Month one of final semester: done

Well I'm done withe first month of my final semester of school and it was not easy. The work itself was fine, interesting, and yeah that was somewhat easy. But the schedule, travel time, and balance of work/school/home was definitely not easy. I've never felt this overwhelmed with school before. I mean I've struggled from time to time depending on what classes I was taking but I had never had such a difficult time balancing things. And to top it off since we're on an extremely tight budget getting healthy nutritious meals has been difficult. The entire month of September we shopped for groceries with an extremely limited budget and since I dont have time to think of anything else but work and school my workouts have pretty much been non-existent.

Well now we're in October and because of everything in September I can literally feel my body crying out for help. I feel so lethargic, so bad, unhealthy, I'm actually getting worried. I'm even considering going to see a doctor and that's saying something extreme since I am horrifically petrified of anything that has to do with anything related to anything medical (yeah, that bad). And I think it's all just stress but honestly I feel so horrible that I find myself wondering if this is all even worth it. Maybe I should have just split my work into two semesters instead of cramming it all into one. And its not like its a lot of work, again, its just the time its taking out of my life every week that stresses me out. I drive home from school twice a week in a panic because I'm traveling dark, empty back road most of my way home so my mind is constantly thinking "what if I break down?" "what if someone follows me?" "what if something happens?" until I finally reach the last 15 minutes of my drive and can finally reach the freeway. Then the two other days that I have to leave the office 2 hours early I drive to school thinking "who's covering my meeting?" "what if my boss decides letting me leave early for school is taking up too much time?" "I should have skipped class today and gone to that meeting instead" It's ridiculous! When I get home all I want to do is relax, sit down on my sofa, watch some TV or knit for a little or just lay there and listen to music, but then I'm thinking "you're so lazy, you should be doing laundry" "what's wrong with you, go clean the bathrooms" "oh yeah that trash is going to take out itself, huh" I'm tormenting MYSELF and its ridiculous but I cant get past it. And of course there's the whole weight loss aspect of things that I'm totally ignoring and completely guilting myself about it.

UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!



OK so needless to say my September blog venting but then finding things I could do didnt happen. I continue to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, COMPLETELY UNHEALTHY, and guilty. The only difference is that now I only have 10 weeks left of this instead of the 16 I started with. Thanks for the support in my previous blog fellow sparkies.