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Time May Heal All Wounds But Some Take Longer

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

I've been looking for a different job, albeit passively, for the past couple of years - I have a federal job, but it isn't permanent and this coming May I hit my 4 year cutoff. That means I either have to find a different job with the command I'm currently with, find something new, or join the ranks of the unemployed. So what does this have to do with wounds healing? This evening I received an email from a different command wanting to do a phone interview with me this coming Friday - the position is a permanent one and it's located in Hawaii. I was excited - it's the first interview I've landed in almost 18 months! Like I said, I was excited, so I decided to call my family back in NY to tell them about the upcoming interview....I picked up the phone with the intention of calling my dad, but dialed my Grandma's number instead. I don't know why I did it, she's been gone almost 3 months now, but she was almost always the first one I called when I had exciting news about anything in my life. I miss her, and I just want to be able to talk to her and hear her voice again. I turned down a position in Hawaii a couple of years ago because she said she couldn't travel that far anymore and we wouldn't be able to see each other again. Her 97th birthday would have been this past Friday, October 3rd, I tried to think of what I could have gotten her other than flowers. She had everything she needed and she would tell me she didn't need anything- she either got flowers or something I would make for her unless it was a 'big' birthday in which case we would all chip in together and get her a nice piece of jewelry or something.
All I wanted was to talk to her and I can't.
The other person I wanted to call and tell is/was my best friend Brian. We have known each other for several years, and have tried being more than just friends, and we came really close to that again this year - we were both having family medical crises and he had broken off with his fiancée back at the beginning of the year - he had even gone so far as to ask me to wait for him. We hadn't seen each other in roughly 4 years, but it was almost as if no time had passed between us at all. Life got in the way, he said he needed some more time and I gave it to him- too much of it looking back now I guess. In June we got back to texting/talking almost everyday again and then July came & kicked us both hard - his mother had surgery & was in bad shape, the same week my Grandma died, and he got back together with the ex-fiancée. I never got my chance to be with him -just the two of us with neither one of us seeing anyone else at the same time....a chance to see if we truly had the potential to be more than just friends, then in August he moved her back in with him. I told him I would have to say goodbye, that if was taking her back then I couldn't be a part of his life, but that I would always be here for him. I'm still not sure if it was a mistake, but I wrote him a letter explaining why I couldn't watch him be with her - even after he had told me not to count him out - I told him that I loved him in that letter. We haven't spoken since other than some text messages pertaining to business - nothing personal. I wanted to call and tell him about the interview too, especially after all the time I spent working on his resume and trying to help him find a new job this summer, but I can't. I know that I can't call him or text him anymore - he was the one person I've always felt safe with, the first mans arms. the only man's arms that my son ever slept in and woke up in as a baby. He's spent more time with my son in one day than my son's father ever did.
I've lost both of my confidants this summer and I'm lost to say the least.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon Tammi! BUT... emoticon on the interview!!!!
    2215 days ago
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