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The Real Jill

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Well, let’s see. I’m doing better these days, at least emotionally. I think I’ve done the majority of my grieving and have continued forward.

I made a tough decision to drop my anatomy/physiology class this semester. I was already overwhelmed and not doing as well as I wanted in both classes. Then, when my grandmother passed, it just shed a light on priorities a little bit. Even if I had been doing better in A&P, based on the way my instructor graded all my other work (never EVER full credit on any assignment even if I technically got the answer right!!) I’m not convinced I would have gotten an A in the class. I’m not a quitter; it’s not in my personality, so this decision doesn’t feel very good. But, in that rational part of my brain, I know it was the right thing to do. Why struggle through something you know isn’t going to have the outcome you want (or need)? So, my plan is to go to the community college in Arizona and take it there. I will work on the “how’s” of that situation a little later. I’m technically already enrolled there. I just didn’t take any classes this semester.

In the meantime, I’m still plugging along in chemistry. I’m not great at it, but I hope after a year of it I’ll have it down well enough to ace an o-chem and/or biochem class, since those two are the ones that actually count. I don’t like chemistry. Boy, do I not like it. I am definitely more of a biology type of scientist. The labs are fun, but the pre-labs, post-labs, and all the concepts, theories, MATHS, and such… ugh. No thank you. Only 1 and a half more years of chemistry to go.

We’re still in this awful limbo about the situation with the car accident. One insurance company is dragging their feet, so they can’t communicate with the other. Which means I’m still driving a car that shouldn’t even be on the road. Scary stuff and quite stressful. I’m pretty sure the outcome of this won’t be favorable anyway, though. The kid wasn’t on the insurance policy associated with the car, so technically he was without insurance. And that means they won’t be paying up. Until that’s an official decision, though, we can’t do anything. It’s a frustrating and unjust situation.

On a bit of a lighter note, I did attend my friends’ wedding that I briefly mentioned in my last blog. It was a super nice time! I was able to put aside my sadness for the night and really enjoy myself. I gorged on candy (they had a candy bar and chocolate fountain! Aaaaah!) It was doubly cool because there were some people there that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. A few old friends from high school that I was super glad to talk with. Lots of my friends from church. It was just a wonderful affair. It also felt nice to dress up and get pretty for a night. I didn’t even mind the photos of me.

I’m not making much headway on the health front. I suppose my diet has improved. I’m eating mostly vegetarian when I can. I’m cooking a lot, so at least I’m making the food decisions. I haven’t had many naysayers, just mom on occasion, so I don’t really have to ignore anyone. Which is what I would do if anyone were complaining, ‘cuz ain’t no one got time for that. They can cook if they want meat! Food addiction is a tough road to navigate solo, though, so I still find myself binging on garbage occasionally, or making food decisions that I know aren’t good for me. Eating when I’m not hungry. Craving certain foods really intensely. The biggest bummer about food addiction is you can’t avoid food. You have to eat food to survive. At least with drugs or alcohol, you can avoid those things and stay sober. There isn’t sobriety with food. I’m trying harder to recognize when those things are occurring, though, so I can stop and at least make an attempt to do better for myself. Frankly, though, I have no idea what to do about this.

I need to get off my butt and get to exercising, too. I have a friend from church, who as it turns out, I have a lot in common with. So, we’re going to walk Mondays and Fridays in the mornings before school. The weather here is finally beautiful in the mornings (but still in the 90’s during the day- yuck!), so I’m really looking forward to it. I hope we can at least keep it up through the end of the semester. I’m hoping that becomes an infectious motivation to do something else between Monday and Friday, whether it’s hitting the treadmill or doing a video or some strength training. I need something, for sure.

Okay, I think that’s about all I can stay awake for. My brain is a jumble of things I’d love to go on and on about, like Bible study or the cats or connecting with old friends… but, it would make this blog a million times longer than it already is. So, here are some photos.

At Starbucks, my grandmother always orders first, so she tells them her name is Jill. She says it’s easier to say and spell than her name, plus I’m the one that gets up to pick up our drinks when they’re ready. When I tell them MY name is Jill, my grandma tells them “She’s the real Jill.” So, at my local Starbucks, I’m known as Real Jill.

My Fitbit wants to count more steps!

The top of the plate is vegetable/cheese/lentil enchiladas verdes I made for bible study one night. SO GOOD!!! Even my pastor, who avoids healthy food like its one of the plagues of Egypt, scarfed it down!

Roasted mushrooms, baked ricotta with toasted baguette, and an antipasto salad. It was for dinner.

My town never gets rain. So, this rainbow was beautiful. If you look close, its actually a double rainbow.

At the wedding. From left to right: my cousin Olivia, Valerie (who's 8 months pregnant with a girl. They don't have a name for her yet, so I'm calling her Jill Jr.), Athena, and myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, so much going on and the stress of that frigging class, I can see why you dropped it!
    Glad you enjoyed the wedding and look how great you looked!
    Food looked awesome esp the mushroom dish and salad...loved the rainbow...maybe from your Grandmother :-)
    Love ya!
    2385 days ago
    It sounds like your grandma has quite the sense of humor!

    You are looking radiant in that photo! So glad you were able to relax and have a wonderful time. I know you so needed it!

    Your food looks so yummy! Do you want to come to my house to cook for awhile?

    Hang in there dear girl! I know things are tough right now, but they will turn around. We are here for you! emoticon
    2386 days ago
    Oh Jill, how I wish could give you more than a cyber hug! emoticon It seem so strange that nearly a decade ago was going through the same kind of education struggle.....even down to the second semester of A&P. Just through working so close to the school, have learned they are in the middle of midterms....even had random elementary school friend still in touch with telling me how hard it was to get a passing grade in the history class he was taking. Something about the professor testing the class to see how much they knew (even on material not covered in class) and then was disappointed when 70% of the class didn't receive a passing grade! Sometimes believe failing a course is more on the fault of the professor than the student if a majority of the class fails. The one thing I realized is school will always be there, and if it takes longer than the four years to achieve degree, it's all worth it if actually retain the material with a good grade of B or higher. I have a hard time putting my faith in someone who has burnt themselves out, pushed through courses barely passing, but because of a Degree should place them on the same level as the former?

    Loved the story of Grams and Starbucks.....but have to admit heard Slim Shady in my head at first ;) I'm so glad took the brief time out to fly "home" for the weekend to celebrate with my family...Grams's 90th birthday. The aging of my family hit me kind of hard, cousins having babies....some of their "babies" pregnant with babies!

    I hope you get more in the groove of getting out for walks with company. You are lucky enough to live in a place where you can continue doing things outside during the winter. Stay active!
    2386 days ago
    You looked great in the wedding photo. Love the color on you. Repeat after me:

    I am the Real Jill who will emoticon . Now get yourself 10 minutes of exercise right now
    and put that emoticon to good use!

    emoticon to you my friend.
    2386 days ago
    Geez, life is definitely full of ups and downs! What is your degree going to be in when you graduate? Are you planning to move to AZ or take online classes?

    You looked absolutely beautiful at your friend's wedding! Happy and Glowing!!
    2386 days ago
    When I was teaching (I was never fully certified as a teacher, so I was ALWAYS taking more classes) I enrolled in a program that would eventually lead to being a speech language pathologist. It was a really cool program that incorporated online classes -- and this was back in 2003 or so, when that was still fairly rare.

    Then a friend of ours fell at work and cracked a rib. He went to the hospital, was admitted, and died two weeks later. Turns out he had some kind of very aggressive, rapidly progressing lung cancer. He was 44 years old.

    It made me stop and think about how I spent my time. Even though I did want to be an SLP (and would have made so. much. more. money) I didn't want to spend three (more) years not hanging out with my husband and kids in the evenings after work. It was a priority realignment of major proportions.

    It was good to wake up this morning and read that you are beginning to feel better. I hope you enjoy walking with your friend. The Starbucks story is awesome.
    2386 days ago
    I'm glad you're doing better.
    2386 days ago
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