Well, let’s see. I’m doing better these days, at least emotionally. I think I’ve done the majority of my grieving and have continued forward.
I made a tough decision to drop my anatomy/physiology class this semester. I was already overwhelmed and not doing as well as I wanted in both classes. Then, when my grandmother passed, it just shed a light on priorities a little bit. Even if I had been doing better in A&P, based on the way my instructor graded all my other work (never EVER full credit on any assignment even if I technically got the answer right!!) I’m not convinced I would have gotten an A in the class. I’m not a quitter; it’s not in my personality, so this decision doesn’t feel very good. But, in that rational part of my brain, I know it was the right thing to do. Why struggle through something you know isn’t going to have the outcome you want (or need)? So, my plan is to go to the community college in Arizona and take it there. I will work on the “how’s” of that situation a little later. I’m technically already enrolled there. I just didn’t take any classes this semester.
In the meantime, I’m still plugging along in chemistry. I’m not great at it, but I hope after a year of it I’ll have it down well enough to ace an o-chem and/or biochem class, since those two are the ones that actually count. I don’t like chemistry. Boy, do I not like it. I am definitely more of a biology type of scientist. The labs are fun, but the pre-labs, post-labs, and all the concepts, theories, MATHS, and such… ugh. No thank you. Only 1 and a half more years of chemistry to go.
We’re still in this awful limbo about the situation with the car accident. One insurance company is dragging their feet, so they can’t communicate with the other. Which means I’m still driving a car that shouldn’t even be on the road. Scary stuff and quite stressful. I’m pretty sure the outcome of this won’t be favorable anyway, though. The kid wasn’t on the insurance policy associated with the car, so technically he was without insurance. And that means they won’t be paying up. Until that’s an official decision, though, we can’t do anything. It’s a frustrating and unjust situation.
On a bit of a lighter note, I did attend my friends’ wedding that I briefly mentioned in my last blog. It was a super nice time! I was able to put aside my sadness for the night and really enjoy myself. I gorged on candy (they had a candy bar and chocolate fountain! Aaaaah!) It was doubly cool because there were some people there that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. A few old friends from high school that I was super glad to talk with. Lots of my friends from church. It was just a wonderful affair. It also felt nice to dress up and get pretty for a night. I didn’t even mind the photos of me.
I’m not making much headway on the health front. I suppose my diet has improved. I’m eating mostly vegetarian when I can. I’m cooking a lot, so at least I’m making the food decisions. I haven’t had many naysayers, just mom on occasion, so I don’t really have to ignore anyone. Which is what I would do if anyone were complaining, ‘cuz ain’t no one got time for that. They can cook if they want meat! Food addiction is a tough road to navigate solo, though, so I still find myself binging on garbage occasionally, or making food decisions that I know aren’t good for me. Eating when I’m not hungry. Craving certain foods really intensely. The biggest bummer about food addiction is you can’t avoid food. You have to eat food to survive. At least with drugs or alcohol, you can avoid those things and stay sober. There isn’t sobriety with food. I’m trying harder to recognize when those things are occurring, though, so I can stop and at least make an attempt to do better for myself. Frankly, though, I have no idea what to do about this.
I need to get off my butt and get to exercising, too. I have a friend from church, who as it turns out, I have a lot in common with. So, we’re going to walk Mondays and Fridays in the mornings before school. The weather here is finally beautiful in the mornings (but still in the 90’s during the day- yuck!), so I’m really looking forward to it. I hope we can at least keep it up through the end of the semester. I’m hoping that becomes an infectious motivation to do something else between Monday and Friday, whether it’s hitting the treadmill or doing a video or some strength training. I need something, for sure.
Okay, I think that’s about all I can stay awake for. My brain is a jumble of things I’d love to go on and on about, like Bible study or the cats or connecting with old friends… but, it would make this blog a million times longer than it already is. So, here are some photos.
At Starbucks, my grandmother always orders first, so she tells them her name is Jill. She says it’s easier to say and spell than her name, plus I’m the one that gets up to pick up our drinks when they’re ready. When I tell them MY name is Jill, my grandma tells them “She’s the real Jill.” So, at my local Starbucks, I’m known as Real Jill.
My Fitbit wants to count more steps!
The top of the plate is vegetable/cheese/lentil enchiladas verdes I made for bible study one night. SO GOOD!!! Even my pastor, who avoids healthy food like its one of the plagues of Egypt, scarfed it down!
Roasted mushrooms, baked ricotta with toasted baguette, and an antipasto salad. It was for dinner.
My town never gets rain. So, this rainbow was beautiful. If you look close, its actually a double rainbow.
At the wedding. From left to right: my cousin Olivia, Valerie (who's 8 months pregnant with a girl. They don't have a name for her yet, so I'm calling her Jill Jr.), Athena, and myself.