I'm not in a good place. I am having a lot of mental debates and the things I say are not so pretty. I try to be positive on the outside but even that has started becoming a bit of a struggle at times.
I weighed myself this morning and I knew that it was not going to be pretty. I have put on close to 50 since early spring. This CANNOT continue. My old feelings and insecurities and aching joints along with other areas, have returned. If this continues, I will be at my post pregnancy weight of almost 9 years ago. That is NOT an option. I don't want to go back to that life. I am so scared. As I type this, I have tears streaming down my face. I hate the me that I've returned to. I don't like looking in the mirror, my clothes don't look/feel right on me and I have a lot less self confidence than I did even 2 months ago. Something's got to give.
Every time I try and change my eating, it's just not happening. At this point, I can't do a full day of whatever the change might be.
Today, this morning, I have decided that my focus needs to be even smaller. Baby steps are going to be playing such a big part for me right now.
My 3 F's:
Faith: Faith has to come first for me. I know that without it, I get no where. And with prayer comes positivity. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!
Fitness: No brainer...I am making fitness a big part of my baby steps. For now, 10,000 steps daily baby! I have some days where I'm up and some where I'm down. I am shooting for consistency here. My body needs that movement without the pain. I was at Walmart on Friday and my back was just hurting so badly. I knew it was from the extra weight on my body. Time to get focused!
Fuel: Obviously I need to be eating right. At this point, I am not able to follow anything I start. So I will start with consistently drinking 3 liters of water daily. I also will start thinking as I'm eating; am I truly hungry ,am I bored, am I numbing my feelings? I may look into writing what I'm eating. I'm just very bad at journaling and I aiming for consistency in all 3 F's!! Perhaps blogging would help at the start or end of the day? I will have to see what works best. I also need to stop eating after 8pm. I would say earlier but the problem with that is that I work 10hr days and I sometimes am cooking when I get home at 630 or 7.
Something else that I've been worried about is my daughter. She has put on some serious belly weight and it's affected her clothing-namely pants. I need to find some activities for her to do and also plan out our family meals better. DH is not always a big help with the food because fast food is usually his go to choice. Time to start meal planning and making up some freezer meals to save on meal prep in the evenings and get healthier options in our bodies!
NEVER GIVING UP ON MYSELF OR MY JOURNEY!