Please don't judge me....
Saturday, November 22, 2014
The truth of the matter is that I have been lieing to myself and my doctor about how much alcohol that I am drinking. You guys know the truth as I have been documenting it for some odd months now.
Last week I met with my psych doctor and told her that I was drinking 3 times per week 3 drinks each time. She asked me specifics.....
She said this was moderate drinking, and that she was happy that I was doing so well being moderate. I told her that I could not afford my therapist as our insurance was changing.
My therapist said that if I needed to call her to see her that I could do that.
My psych doctor told me to call her if I went from 3 to 5 days of drinking that she would help me...I don't know how she could help me.
This January I am getting ready to have a screening colonoscopy because of my age. In preparation for this I had to go on line and fill out a very thorough series of health information forms. It took almost an hour to complete. When it came to alcohol use, it wanted specifics. number and times per week....so I said 3 and 3 again. Then it asked me if I would consider this alcohol abuse.
I said no.
If I am being completely honest with you I would say" I abuse alcohol."
I was listening on the radio, a program about thinking about the number of drinks that you have for the week total. Moderate drinking was one drink a day...7 a week. any more than that was considered a problem. Men are allowed 14 drinks a week. (my hubby drinks high percentage of alcohol drinks that count 2 for 1. So he should only be drinking one a day of those beers.)
So my 9 drinks in one week is really in the problem range.
BUT THAT IS not even the truth!!!!!
I have been drinking WAY more than that....when I drink that is.
My sinus were acting up for the past week, I had been ill and therefore AF. Then last night, was hungry so drove around finding a place to grab a bite to eat. Ended up at whole foods in their bar! Next thing you know I am testing beer samples. First one was weak and the second one was strong (it was a big sample and 11%alcohol content) so I went for one in between. Founders porter 6.5 % alcohol. I complained because the bartender poured my beer with a lot of foam...grr! I ordered a pizza and talked to my sister a bit on the phone.
A pint of beer is about 14 oz. so that is more than a bottle of beer and the fact that a normal beer has about 4.5% alcohol. So if I am truthful I would go back and change my one beer to 1.5 beers on my daily journal.
In my head I am playing a numbers game....and judging myself. I said I would never drink and drive again. 2 weeks ago We met after a concert with the guest artist and hubby and I and another student. I forgot that I drove separately and ended up drinking 3 pints of strong beers. As we were leaving I remembered that I drove separately.
Wow. I could not believe it! I was going to have to drive myself home.
I drove home very carefully and was lucky that I did not get in an accident or get caught.
Last night I drove home having only 1.5 beers, I felt fine.
So am I back to drinking and driving????
I am AF again tonight.