It's been a year since this post, www.sparkpeople.com/mypa
so I thought I would reflect on my year... And say that I am ready to get back to taking care of myself. For reals this time, it's taken me a year of therapy (and I'm not done yet), almost a year on anti-depressants and then finding out that it's probably actually a Vitamin D deficiency, but I'm back to feeling mostly like my normal, authentic self. I recently did some clothes shopping, I'm doing my hair, sometimes I even *gasp* put on makeup! I don't hate myself or want to sleep all the time. I don't yell at my husband all the time for not reading my mind. I'm able to look at my boys and REALLY enjoy our time together. Of course, the twins are finally at a really fun age -19 months- where they can communicate (in a way that only our family unit can understand) and my oldest is so sweet and wanting to help and play with them (finally!).
My days aren't perfect, but I am enjoying them more often than not, and I'm able to roll with it in a way that I haven't been since before the twins were born. I think the Vitamin D was the final piece of getting my hormones back into balance. I may have written this before, but my mom's greatest advice to me has been, "No life changing decisions for 2 years after childbirth." Meaning, no matter how much you think you want to leave your husband, wait until your body sorts that hormone s#it out. She is so wise. :) I'm in a much better place today than I was a year ago.
I've signed up for a wellness program at work that starts at the beginning of the new year. They'll be using endomondo to track our workouts (the rule of the group is no sedentary workouts, so no treadmills or ellipticals, I gotta get outta the house/office and MOVE). :D I'm pretty excited about it and hopeful that it will also help with a more positive outlook. This is me today:
I've been better about wearing the spark tracker. I will say that I kinda wish I had gotten a fitbit, because I felt like it was more accurate, and I could wear it on my bra. The spark tracker says you can wear it there, but it is NOT accurate for me, and I don't wear shoes with laces, so I'll usually wear it on my hip, but even that I don't feel is particularly accurate, so I'm really interested to see how it will compare to when I am using the endomondo app. The food front is ever changing for me. I don't get to eat much at meals since the boys will eat most of their food and mine, and I'm constantly up getting things for everyone. I think my problem right now is snacking, and when I do get to eat or snack it's on high calorie deliciousness that probably wouldn't be such a problem if I exercised more regularly.
We've started up, once again, dance parties and the active sports games on the consoles which everyone loves, I'm going to try and get it to be routine for after dinner since it's too dark and cold to go for a walk outside as a family. Now that the twins are a little older they love to join in and dance or jump with us. It is SO FUN. :)
I'm looking forward to my brothers huge family staying with us between Christmas and New Years. I'm so thankful for his big family, and our relationship as adults, that he and his wife WANT to spend time in our house and that our kids are close in age. I wish we lived closer, but it makes the time we do get to spend together that much more meaningful and important.
I'm hoping to write another update, but in case I don't before the new year (I have accepted that I am freakin' busy, and it is OK), Happy Holidays!