Learning to walk on by
Sunday, January 11, 2015
On the kitchen counter are cookies, homemade brownies, nuts and candies. Bags of chips on the living room coffee and end tables. Cheese and veggies in the fridge. Fruit in a large bowl in the kitchen. There is temptation *everywhere* in this house. I can't get rid of it all since I have a family to feed and they deserve their indulgences. I've learned to just look away, and to just walk on by, wherever I am in this house.
It's not even a matter of one day at a time, but also a matter of one moment at a time, keeping on this strict diet. If I think of it as "three months without carbs" I'd probably give up, but instead I think of it as "no carbs right *now*" and then remove myself until the moment passes. When I can't look away is dinner. Most of their favourites are forbidden for me: meatballs, breaded proteins, pasta, rice. So I cook separate meals for us which occasionally overlap in protein or vegetable content. I thought that part would be harder, but surprisingly it's manageable. I like when I make something the family likes, and they are appreciative enough to actually say it aloud, and that goes a long way to not minding that I can't enjoy their food along with them. And each dinner is another moment that seems to fly by, but in this case usually a happy moment since we are altogether.
Sometimes all those moments consciously pulling my mind away from tempting foods catch up with me at night. I lie in bed thinking about my favourite foods, which I will be able to indulge in after I hit my target and am refeeding. Like pasta - I want lasagne or ravioli so much! So I think about having a 1/4 serving of lasagne, and savouring each bite. I know that I won't be able to go back to my pre-PSMF ways, but I will be able to incorporate more modest carb components in my maintenance diet. It seems far off right now, so a fantasy for late-night musings, but it also helps me keep going.