Help! I have fallen off the wagon, and can't get myself to care!
Monday, January 19, 2015
Blah. The weather is blah. The month is blah. My mood is blah. I have zero motivation....except to eat carbs. Work has been stressful. I drag myself through the day feeling exhausted, and then have restless sleep or wake up at 3 a.m. and lay there until 5. I have been making myself a good breakfast, lunch and snack, and then not eating them and going out for a crazy lunch. (Chinese food! Big gooey cheeseburgers !) I have been forcing myself to hit my 10,000 steps...it feels like a magical thread I am holding onto that will lead me back into a healthy place once the weather, and my mood, lifts.
I hate these months (Jan and Feb) anyway, but this year has been bitterly cold and now icy, icy, icy. I have a big post-holiday let down...which I try to re-write in my head as
"I manage the beginning of the dark cold months (Nov and Dec) because of the lift the holidays give me!"
I have been trying to fight through this, and in many, many ways I have. I have doubled my vitamin D. My doctor upped my thryroid med a bit. I have my desk oriented in a sunny southern exposure window, and I get as much sun as this grey Northeast sky lets me get. I have been making myself do things that I love to do, for example: My husband and I went to see a folk singer we love this week-end and stayed overnight in a lovely historic hotel (a gift from our kids). The show was great, being away in this romantic lovely hotel was wonderful. I went out to dinner with a good friend last night (I HATE football, and my brother and husband were of course watching the Pats....and whatever endless game was on first). We had tickets to a show (The Buddy Holly story....which I had heard was fun) but the roads were so icy and the fog so thick we did not venture to the show, just ate and went home. I just made plans to take the train to NYC next week with a friend to go to the Matisse exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Mod Art. I love Matisse, and I don't get to see this friend that often, so I am thrilled. So I don't want to give the impression that I am completely curled up in the fetal position, cause I am not. It is just that everything is a bit of an effort, even logging on here. I am so unmotivated and feeling guilty and like I have to go lick my wounds in private.
I am trying to re-connect, and I am cheering you all on even if I am not on here to do it! I know that I will shake this off (I do every year....when the crocus reappear so does my sense of humor....) and I will have energy and perspective and life again. Until then please bear with me!