Feb 3: I'm An Awkward Social Girl
Tuesday, February 03, 2015
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a hardcore Introvert. Being around people, including my family, makes me feel so drained, it's like whatever energy and happiness that I have are leached out by people. I think I'm pretty good with chatting with people but most of the time, I laugh when most people (or none) don't, I just babble nonsense to try fill up silence, I'm very bad at asking people out (whether with friends or people who I'm attracted to) and most of time, I feel like an unwanted person in a group setting. I'm always feel conflict by being myself or being what society expect me to be and this confusion always makes me so exhausted.
Maybe I'm just plain weird and being normal is SO HARD! What I can see of being normal looks like everything opposite of myself: I always have wild imagination, I don't follow fashion, I do makeup whenever I like (example, going from casual before lunch to dramatic after lunch), I eat too much gusto (lots of comment on the way I eat, either I make the food look so delicious or I look so hungry, haha).
I do try to join social event like sport games, watch movies, going out for lunch. But whenever my dad found out about my attempt, he's either frown upon it or get too furious. Yeah, I know my parents can be quite conservative and religious but sometimes, I just want to be with people around my age (or 5 years plus minus) in relaxing mood to calm down my inner demons and I don't want to continue stuck in my bedroom, interacting with characters from fictions!
P/S: I love reading but I want to be more involved in world outside my books :D