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Feb 3: I'm An Awkward Social Girl

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a hardcore Introvert. Being around people, including my family, makes me feel so drained, it's like whatever energy and happiness that I have are leached out by people. I think I'm pretty good with chatting with people but most of the time, I laugh when most people (or none) don't, I just babble nonsense to try fill up silence, I'm very bad at asking people out (whether with friends or people who I'm attracted to) and most of time, I feel like an unwanted person in a group setting. I'm always feel conflict by being myself or being what society expect me to be and this confusion always makes me so exhausted.

Maybe I'm just plain weird and being normal is SO HARD! What I can see of being normal looks like everything opposite of myself: I always have wild imagination, I don't follow fashion, I do makeup whenever I like (example, going from casual before lunch to dramatic after lunch), I eat too much gusto (lots of comment on the way I eat, either I make the food look so delicious or I look so hungry, haha).

I do try to join social event like sport games, watch movies, going out for lunch. But whenever my dad found out about my attempt, he's either frown upon it or get too furious. Yeah, I know my parents can be quite conservative and religious but sometimes, I just want to be with people around my age (or 5 years plus minus) in relaxing mood to calm down my inner demons and I don't want to continue stuck in my bedroom, interacting with characters from fictions!

P/S: I love reading but I want to be more involved in world outside my books :D
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    ((((HUGS)))) You are NOT weird!
    2183 days ago
  • MELMEL411
    Your blog spoke to me. I feel the same in social situations, and you're right, it is physically draining to expel that much energy into being "normal." The key, I think, is to be yourself inside normal parameters until you spend enough time getting to know the other people until you can really open up and be your true self. I'm not talking about general social family gatherings because you don't have to spend every waking minute with them, but with your friends or significant other(s). Those are the people you want to feel comfortable sharing every aspect of your life with. What works for me, and maybe you might decide you like it, is to be yourself in stages. I call it "unleashing the crazy in stages." I conform to normal standards then add a little of my personality into the situation to see how it goes over. I do this until everyone is comfortable, then go for more and more until I can be myself without holding back. If I find along the way that someone can't handle the truth, then I clam up again, but I also find that that person is not for me. My hubby, for instance, knows all the crazy that is me. You'll find your acceptance, so hang in there because there are more people that are like-minded than you know!
    emoticon
    2183 days ago
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