The bingeing of the bull
Thursday, March 26, 2015
When I was on PSMF, I used my doctors as a shield: “My doctor says I can’t eat that.” It protected me from my Mom trying to stuff me over the holidays, from co-workers and their indulgent celebrations, and from myself and the hoard of treats that I keep handy for my family.
It’s been three days since my nutritionist set me loose, and told me to increase my carbs to 50 grams/day. On day one I had a banana, treated myself to a triple serving of veggies during dinner, hit my carb target exactly, and gloried in feeling both stuffed and virtuous.
On day two the taste of crème brulee wasn’t enough to reach my carb limit, but the richness of a French dinner meant an excess of fat calories. It was a special occasion so I wrote it off as a one-of.
And then day three happened. We had a work celebration, and without my shield, my unfettered self went on a dietary rampage like the proverbial bull in the ill-fated china shop. I ate food I didn’t really want – why?
I had about half a cup of greasy Chinese fast food. Not good, but not yet tragic. I took one piece of sushi roll – my first taste of rice since November! Yum! And then I did something that I knew was wrong, and tsked at myself silently as I watched myself in slow motion take portions of two different cakes. Maybe 4 tablespoons of cake and icing in total. And ten minutes after I finished them, I felt queasy, as if I had filled my belly with grease (I had!). Ugh.
So now my tracker tells me I am at 80 grams carbs for the day, so I overshot my target by 30 grams. And I’m wondering why I had the cake, and worrying if this is the beginning of a very slippery slope, and asking myself if I’m over-thinking and over-worrying about reverting to my old eating habits. It’s been only 3 days, and I need to settle into a new routine before I panic like a bull charging through those narrow streets in Pamplona!