SP Premium
UNSWEETMAMA

SparkPoints
 

I thought it would be different

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

A bit of a lightbulb moment this last weekend. I had often wondered why I couldn't get back into weightloss mode. I got right down to my goal weight and it was like a switch was flipped in my brain - all I wanted to do was eat. Maybe I was making up for everything that I didn't eat while I was losing. Maybe it was coming from the fear of regaining the weight (because you don't have to be afraid of whether something might happen if you make it happen yourself).

But this weekend I thought about the fact that for all those years that I was obese and ashamed, I thought that if I lost the weight then I would be happy. If I only lost the weight THEN I would be happy.

I lost the weight. But I wasn't suddenly happy. I was still me. I wasn't obese but I was still ashamed. Of what? Not sure, really. Down deep I've never really believed that I deserved to be happy.

Maybe I was using food to fend of the disappointment that losing weight didn't magically fix everything. Maybe I was just falling back into old habits. Maybe I was just tired.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not Eeyore. It's not all gray all the time. I guess I just thought it would be different. I thought I would be different.

Bottom line? I have some work to do. (Don't we all?) Remember to look for and be open to joy. Let the light in.

Take care of yourselves out there, SparkPeeps.
emoticon emoticon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WHITE-GREEN
    I ventured to your blog hoping you'd been posting.. I am wondering how you are doing now. emoticon
    1918 days ago
  • SEAJESS
    emoticon I had the exact same experience... and then when stressful situations came my way, I regained much of the weight I'd lost.
    w emoticon You are very wise as a result of that light bulb moment. For both of us, we now know what to do. (Including not depriving ourselves!) Hope we find the way to care for your insides and then I trust that our outsides will be just fine.

    emoticon
    1947 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    The Motivator of the Day. July 2015.
    1948 days ago
  • 4EVERADONEGIRL
    This post says so much, Stephanie and I think you are probably on a huge breakthrough!!! Keep pushing those walls down, girlie. Keep breaking the chains that are holding you back. You deserve your happiness and more AT ANY WEIGHT. Granted, do what you need to keep where you are HEALTHY, but also know that you need to keep seeking that inner happiness.

    I know you will find the satisfaction you're looking for.
    1965 days ago
  • KRISTINGETSFIT
    I feel the same way sometimes. Thank you for sharing your experience.
    1984 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15145828

    I totally hear you.
    2025 days ago
  • MISCHAKEO
    Losing weight will not make your life magically happy. However, being thin and healthy will give you more energy and the confidence to take on life's issues. I have found that as time goes on, I am much happier without the unhappiness of being disappointed in myself for being overweight.
    2028 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14841774
    Geneen Roth wrote about this.

    So, I guess the work is to figure out why you are ashamed and see what can be done to release that feeling? emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • CRAZYGRAD
    This feeling is felt in SO many people. This is why so many people cry on weight loss shows. Only working on the inside can we truly find our happy. That's WAY harder than weight loss. But you will be amazed that you CAN do it. I decided this go around for me was going to be just that. I started out with inner me. Loving me. I would love me and then change me and love me just the same then. I look in the mirror now and love my hips and curves and fluff. But I also love to see change because of my hard work. Loving me and being "happy" is not based on the external forces. It is a choice that we have to battle all our internal demons to achieve. emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • SUBMOM2
    We know you're not Eeyore. You're just making an observation and looking inward is a big part of this journey. You will find your way.

    "Remember to look for and be open to joy. Let the light in." I'm a bit adrift myself right now, so I really like this quote! Thank you!!


    2029 days ago
  • MSHEL7
    I thought it would be different too then the 1st real disappointment in my life and I went right back to eating. Gaining back almost all that I lost. I stopped short of gaining back the last 10 pounds. Now I'm halfheartedly working towards losing again. This time around it just is not the same, I don't have the same want to get there that I did before. It is a journey that's for sure. I hope you can find a way that works for you. Sometimes the light bulb moment is half the battle-you may be well on your way already.
    2029 days ago
  • ADARKARA
    I think maybe people are overweight because they're unhappy, not unhappy because they're overweight. Maybe you could work in the inner you, and the outer you will follow suit? emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • SUSANELAINE1956
    I had that happen a few times in my life, where I would actually get uncomfortable with being at a good weight and felt even worse. I think one thing that's different now is I am doing this for my health and not my looks. I just feel so much better when I am eating right and exercising consistently. Hope you figure out what works for you. emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment


    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.