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This is going to suck, but it needs to be said...

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Hello, my name is Myk and I am 30 years old. And I am back. Again. I am getting back on track. Again. For the past.. forever? I have bounced my weight, getting back on track.. doing good for a little bit and then it happens... something.. gets in the way, and bam I am no longer on track. And not only do I gain back what I lost, I add a few more to that number. Making my highest weight slowly creep back up, again and again.


Then there was always something stopping me from starting, I worked to much, I had to help my family after my Mother's heart attack and Quintuple Bypass, I was to tired.. excuse after excuse after excuse. Then I quit my second job, wow I will have more time! Nope, I ended up becoming one with the couch, and I could feel myself deteriorating, everyday things started becoming hard, becoming impossible. I stopped looking into mirrors, I started buying tshirts in 5xl because my 4xls were getting to tight, and I was not happy.

And honestly, I would rather go and hide in a hole than admit these things, let alone admit them on a blog that I know other people can see, but I need to. I have to remember how I felt, how I was, so I never let myself get back to that point EVER again.

Where do I even start, there is so much that I was hiding, that I was doing to try to avoid simple things, like having to walk, having to clean, having to live. I wouldn't even clean my house, I was paying my younger brother to come over and do things like.. vacuum, do the dishes, and carry the trash because all of those were to hard. I actually broke a towel rack in my bathroom because I was using it to pull myself off the toilet, because I couldn't stand up on my own without pushing or pulling on something to help me.

Things like going to the grocery store were hell, having to walk all the way to the back for milk, and cheese... I stopped buying it, I would go, push the cart until I got tired and then decided that I didn't need the rest of the things on my list. And at work it was no different, I worked with special needs adults, I would sit around watching Tv, playing games with them, not being active their either. I would look for chairs everywhere I went, to sit and rest after so long, because I just did not have the stamina to even do a full shopping trip without feeling like I was going to die.

Needless to say I had been avoiding mirrors, avoiding looking at myself, and I knew that something needed to change. It actually took my best friend texting me and saying, "Hey, want to lose weight with me? We can do updates each week and whatnot, I jsut need a weightloss buddy." And I didn't even hesitate, H*LL YES I WILL! But then I realized that I needed to go and weigh myself, to get a starting weight and that took me a little bit because, f*ck, I hadn't been on a scale in MONTHS, I didn't want to know what it had to say.

Now, the first scale I got on maxed out at 400lbs, and it told me ERROR, there is no feling like standing on a scale that I used to be able to weigh myself on, and it told me that I was more than it's weight limit. I had to go to the gym, to where they had a digital, super scale, and I glared at it for a while. Took off my shoes, messed with my phone, pussyfooted around for about 10 minutes before I stepped on it. Those four little blinking lines blinked at me FOREVER, calculating as I stood there just.. waiting... and waiting.. and waiting... and then it came up. 449lbs. I actually cried, I was not okay with that number, the last time I had been weighed I was 385, but like I said, months ago.

Of course I had to keep it together, get back out to my car before I was able to really cry, and the one thing that I wanted to do. Was go get takeout, the one thing that I had been binging on that helped me get to that number in the first place, that was all I wanted. Well enough was enough, I went home, relogged into sparkpeople, read a ton of articles, and slowly yet surely started to get back on the right track. I lost 25lbs my first week, just with eating healthy alone, then the next week I went for a couple walks.. I felt like dying, but I didn't give up, and I lost 4lbs the next week, then I bought the Spark Tracker, and have been working on getting my goal steps in, 5,000 for now, and going on more walks still. Then week three I lost another 7lbs, and even though I can't see a difference yet, I am starting to feel it. And I am never going back to where I was again.

These pictures were taken after my first week, I had already lost 25lbs.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hello...Spark People has become my support groups for you see I am a recovering grease-holic. Yes, it is true if you can "fry it" I can "eat it".

    Moderation is a very important key to being successful in our journey. One day at a time....Look for small victories...Look for non-scale successes.

    Spark People research has found that people who get involved in social teams tend to be more successful in their efforts.

    I want to personally invite you to join the SparkPeople's Official Healthy Habits Challenge Team. There you will find others that will support you in your journey and you will be able to help others as well.

    On our team page BOBCATGIRL76 one of our team leaders has a great article to check out. Let me know what you think.

    We are here to help. YOU can DO this! Oh by the way...have you ever tried Fried cardboard, don't have much favor but a nice crunch....lol....Live life today.

    Remember: By Endurance we conquer-Shackleton

    1885 days ago
  • RHOOK20047
    Welcome to SparkPeople. We are all here for the same reason, no matter what our personal story is. We are here to help each other to get to that healthy point we want to be in our lives. It is not going to be easy, but it is attainable. Make small goals and they will lead to big successes. You have to make you #1 and tell yourself that you are worth it. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. Your story reminds me so much of me a year and a half ago. I was where you were. I am on a recovery road and you can be too! You can do it! We are here to help! Welcome and get active on this site. emoticon
    1885 days ago
    Well done for taking the first steps, and congratulations on your amazing progress so far!
    1885 days ago
    1885 days ago
  • KMC1025
    You can do it! You have done it once so you know you can do it again ! Never give up! If you feel like quitting, remember this blog post and how you felt! You deserve the best you! Put yourself first, do this for YOU!! emoticon
    1885 days ago
    You can do it!
    1885 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.