This is the last week of this round – our
Panther Captain has written a thought-provoking message to take with us for the break. It was probably written with me in mind
as it asks those who didn’t lose or gained (I fall into this category) to examine why this is the outcome of the round. I wrote down my recollections of the last 3 months and have ended up feeling less disgusted with myself whilst resolving to learn from the past so that I am not destined to keep repeating it!
So here goes.
Did I make enough effort? Well, obviously not, as I had a considerable gain. Were there life issues that might account for it? The answer is a resounding YES. The 12 weeks began with a holiday experience from hell as my husband became ill on the
, was dismissed by a local GP as “tired”, and had to get emergency services
which led to 16 days in a foreign hospital whilst talk of anaemia, pneumonia, heart surgery went on amid tests which entailed him travelling to other hospitals in the area. In the meantime I had to deal with hospital bureaucracy (the idea of reciprocal care was alien to them),airline and insurance companies, keep renewing accommodation, rental car, and my own medications whilst never knowing what diagnosis would come up next or when he would be discharged and we could go home.
At home there were
4 animals boarding, a
group coming up and appointments made to deal with. Cell phone and internet difficulties ensued.
Expenses at home and abroad rose! Family were helpful but in a bit of strife among themselves so I walked on eggshells there too. I suppose my stress levels were sky-high, and my weight seems to have increased exponentially!
This was despite the regular walk to and from the hospital (3+miles in total) and the regular swim I tried to have each night when I went back to the hotel. Sometimes I couldn’t eat at all, sometimes I made good choices, like the sushi at the hospital cafeteria, but I must have ended up gorging for the weight to have increased so much. I don’t even remember doing it! We were able to go home on the very day all accommodation was booked for an upcoming festival of music – so not everything went amiss.
Even that, however, had its moments. I was unsure about how well my husband would travel as we had been told it was urgent that he see a cardiologist as soon as we got back. The rental car, which had spent most of its time in the garage, had been damaged; the company’s eftpos machine broke down (roadworks) and we had to drive to another office for the transaction. But we made it home in one piece to those things left undone which ought to have been done, like rotting fruit in the fridge, and a garden out of control. I had great ideas about getting back to “normal”, especially with eating.
2 doctors appointments revealed that the NZ doctors didn’t agree about the heart problem and thought the medication given was wrong and unhelpful. Gastroenterology appointments were made. I broke a tooth – dental expenses! Regular check-up scheduled. I was sent for a bone scan and a further Aclasta infusion was recommended and appointment made. Then we caught a virus. All appointments rescheduled. Finally done last week and results reassuring after a long period of worry about something potentially fatal; infusion gave me flu like symptoms for several days. Insurance claim made. Insurance company said accommodation receipts not there. Several phone calls (to Malaysia) established that they had not been scanned in NZ into their computer systems. I stuck out for their finding them. 2 increasingly frustrating phone calls + several emails later they settled the claim without explanation of what had happened to the receipts. Solvent again! All this was punctuated with bouts of comfort/celebratory food consumption.
It would be naïve to think that such stressful situations won’t occur again. Perhaps they won’t occur all at once. But I need to plan to deal with the anxiety/fatigue/loneliness/rel
ief that can lead to stress and comfort eating. All the exercise in the world won’t overcome that.
When I look back over this I know that I would tell anyone else that it was all understandable and to put it behind them without self- recrimination.
Looking forward, I am resolved to be lighter when I enrol for Round 29. My weight might have risen when in Australia but I have stopped that trend since returning home so I am on the road to loss. The last few days have seen the abatement of that terrible urge to consume Something, Anything!
Several times in the last few weeks I have been tempted to withdraw from the team, which is the only one on which I am active, and from SP as well. I didn’t do that and am glad that I didn’t as at least I have stayed connected to what is a wonderful support system. I hope to be accepted back as a Panther for BLC29, but I am lessening my input by resigning as a co-cappy – this will allow me to concentrate on reinstating healthy habits.
The Rough Plan Going Forward:
1.Stock up with emergency supplies; no use making a list if they are not in the house. Gameau in his “The Sugar Book” lists a spoonful of cider vinegar which would work for me. He also suggests nuts, which wouldn’t as I can’t stop at a small handful.
2. Keep brain active so that not dwelling on problems all the time. Use books, learning a language, FutureLearn for this.
3. Institute de-stressing routines. Stretching, yoga, meditation. At least 5 minutes morning and night.
4. Restart daily weigh.
Make these priorities, not also-rans!!