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BLC 28 Reflections

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

This is the last week of this round – our emoticon Panther Captain has written a thought-provoking message to take with us for the break. It was probably written with me in mind emoticon as it asks those who didn’t lose or gained (I fall into this category) to examine why this is the outcome of the round. I wrote down my recollections of the last 3 months and have ended up feeling less disgusted with myself whilst resolving to learn from the past so that I am not destined to keep repeating it!
So here goes.
Did I make enough effort? Well, obviously not, as I had a considerable gain. Were there life issues that might account for it? The answer is a resounding YES. The 12 weeks began with a holiday experience from hell as my husband became ill on the emoticon , was dismissed by a local GP as “tired”, and had to get emergency services emoticon which led to 16 days in a foreign hospital whilst talk of anaemia, pneumonia, heart surgery went on amid tests which entailed him travelling to other hospitals in the area. In the meantime I had to deal with hospital bureaucracy (the idea of reciprocal care was alien to them),airline and insurance companies, keep renewing accommodation, rental car, and my own medications whilst never knowing what diagnosis would come up next or when he would be discharged and we could go home. emoticon
At home there were emoticon emoticon m emoticon emoticon 4 animals boarding, a emoticon group coming up and appointments made to deal with. Cell phone and internet difficulties ensued. emoticon Expenses at home and abroad rose! Family were helpful but in a bit of strife among themselves so I walked on eggshells there too. I suppose my stress levels were sky-high, and my weight seems to have increased exponentially! emoticon This was despite the regular walk to and from the hospital (3+miles in total) and the regular swim I tried to have each night when I went back to the hotel. Sometimes I couldn’t eat at all, sometimes I made good choices, like the sushi at the hospital cafeteria, but I must have ended up gorging for the weight to have increased so much. I don’t even remember doing it! We were able to go home on the very day all accommodation was booked for an upcoming festival of music – so not everything went amiss. emoticon
Even that, however, had its moments. I was unsure about how well my husband would travel as we had been told it was urgent that he see a cardiologist as soon as we got back. The rental car, which had spent most of its time in the garage, had been damaged; the company’s eftpos machine broke down (roadworks) and we had to drive to another office for the transaction. But we made it home in one piece to those things left undone which ought to have been done, like rotting fruit in the fridge, and a garden out of control. I had great ideas about getting back to “normal”, especially with eating.
2 doctors appointments revealed that the NZ doctors didn’t agree about the heart problem and thought the medication given was wrong and unhelpful. Gastroenterology appointments were made. I broke a tooth – dental expenses! Regular check-up scheduled. I was sent for a bone scan and a further Aclasta infusion was recommended and appointment made. Then we caught a virus. All appointments rescheduled. Finally done last week and results reassuring after a long period of worry about something potentially fatal; infusion gave me flu like symptoms for several days. Insurance claim made. Insurance company said accommodation receipts not there. Several phone calls (to Malaysia) established that they had not been scanned in NZ into their computer systems. I stuck out for their finding them. 2 increasingly frustrating phone calls + several emails later they settled the claim without explanation of what had happened to the receipts. Solvent again! All this was punctuated with bouts of comfort/celebratory food consumption.
It would be naïve to think that such stressful situations won’t occur again. Perhaps they won’t occur all at once. But I need to plan to deal with the anxiety/fatigue/loneliness/rel
ief that can lead to stress and comfort eating. All the exercise in the world won’t overcome that.
When I look back over this I know that I would tell anyone else that it was all understandable and to put it behind them without self- recrimination.

Looking forward, I am resolved to be lighter when I enrol for Round 29. My weight might have risen when in Australia but I have stopped that trend since returning home so I am on the road to loss. The last few days have seen the abatement of that terrible urge to consume Something, Anything! emoticon mm emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Several times in the last few weeks I have been tempted to withdraw from the team, which is the only one on which I am active, and from SP as well. I didn’t do that and am glad that I didn’t as at least I have stayed connected to what is a wonderful support system. I hope to be accepted back as a Panther for BLC29, but I am lessening my input by resigning as a co-cappy – this will allow me to concentrate on reinstating healthy habits.

The Rough Plan Going Forward:
1.Stock up with emergency supplies; no use making a list if they are not in the house. Gameau in his “The Sugar Book” lists a spoonful of cider vinegar which would work for me. He also suggests nuts, which wouldn’t as I can’t stop at a small handful.
2. Keep brain active so that not dwelling on problems all the time. Use books, learning a language, FutureLearn for this.
3. Institute de-stressing routines. Stretching, yoga, meditation. At least 5 minutes morning and night.
4. Restart daily weigh.

Make these priorities, not also-rans!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's good to forgive yourself! I have problems with that, too and often end up worse off for it. You have inspired me to turn things around over the break, Penny.
    1941 days ago
    Brilliant Blog...
    Nice to see you again
    1944 days ago
    A fine assesment!The tortise won the race you know. Just keep plugging away!
    1944 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    What an adventure! **HUGS**
    One very stressful situation is just a bump in the road or detour unless you allow it to stop you. I am so glad you haven't left SP! I too at times have considered withdrawing from any/all (BLC included) teams. But they are my support system even when I hibernate and am not as active as I want/need to be.

    So great to see you back!
    1945 days ago
    Lovely to see you back blogging, it certainly has been tough for you.
    Here's hoping the future looks brighter. How is hubby now? I hope you're better too emoticon
    1946 days ago
    Nice to have you back Penny. You have been through
    so much in this past year. I hope your hubby is better
    now. And you too! I hope that things will get better for
    you once this stress goes away. Just look forward now.
    You can do this. Feel free to vent... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1946 days ago
    Oh, Penny - such struggles! I can't imagine dealing with such a domino effect as you've had!!! emoticon emoticon

    Glad you didn't leave your team! If you're not a Panther, feel free to put Resolute Rengades as your second choice. emoticon
    1946 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    Good grief - what a series of nightmares! How is your husband feeling now and did he ever receive a final diagnoses? How are you feeling?

    I'm ashamed to say that I probably would have quit but you stuck it out! Good on you.

    emoticon Susan
    1946 days ago
    Good heavens! (((HUGS))))
    1946 days ago
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