Fat Shaming and trying to get over it
Sunday, September 13, 2015
You hear about fat shaming on social media all the time...there's a huge push to have people understand that this attitude of "I'm better than you because you're fat" needs to go away. I've never had to deal with this in Wyoming and considered it to honestly be something that wasn't a concern for me. Sure, I feel uncomfortable in social situations and I can't always fit into chairs that are provided...it never struck a nerve too badly for me. That is, until this last Friday. I went to an urgent care facility here in Wyoming because my knee hurt so bad, and I couldn't walk on it without wincing in pain. It's been hurting for 2 months...since we moved into our new house...but I thought I had just sprained it. I saw the nurse first, and noticed that she had to go get a larger blood pressure cuff (why don't they keep these in each room? Okay, whatever). I then waited for over an hour, and was told it was because someone came in after me that needed urgent attention (really? I can't walk on my knee right now...okay, whatever). The physician assistant came in and put me through sheer hell...moved my knee every which way. I was in tears at the end of the exam. He told me I tore my MCL, and I would need a brace. He then mentioned that they might not have one big enough, but joked it off stating that he tried to get a wrist brace for an older gentleman the other day and all they had were the tiny kid braces (a little uncomfortable, but okay). He left, and that's when what felt like an attack happened. This woman came into the exam room, didn't introduce herself, and brought in an XL knee brace. She looked me up and down and kinda sighed. She tried to put the brace on my knee, but it didn't fit. (I'm still tearing up right now because of the pain, and really uncomfortable at this point). She then refers me to go get a brace at a certain place because "they might have better luck with your size."
(there's 2 orthopedic stores in town) That statement...that right there...was what has turned my life into a tailspin the last few days. She left, and I started to cry. She came back in and saw me crying...didn't offer me a tissue (mind you, I can't stand at this point really). I had to ask the person who hurt me for a tissue to dry the tears that she caused, and she acted like it was an inconvenience to even do that for me.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive about this whole thing, but I honestly felt like I have been slapped in the face by someone who doesn't know me based solely on the fact that I'm overweight. I'm not asking for arguements or anything really at this point. I just needed to put it down somewhere to remind myself that people will be cruel. They might not even realize that they do it. The whole situation has put my emotional state into an uproar- I've eaten like crap the last few days. Drank soda, sat on the couch and felt like a hermit. The only thing that has made me get up off the couch is my puppies right now (kiddos are at their dad's house this weekend).
I refuse to let this person's terrible attitude become what I will be defined by in my life. I deserve so much more from people, even if I don't end up losing a single pound the rest of my life. I deserve happiness, strength, love, and understanding- this weight-loss journey has had a ton of ups and downs...and many, many restarts. I've gotten so frustrated with the whole process that I just give up, and I need to stop doing that. Life happens, but it doesn't have to get me down every single time. I can do this. I will do this.
It's time, Michelle.