Friday, September 25, 2015
Ah. Our relationships with food....
And this weight-loss/fitness journey is kind of making it feel even more complicated! It has gradually, yet thankfully in some instances, become a long-distance relationship.
Backstory: Before I got serious about changing my habits, I pretty much just ate what I wanted and didn't think about it much. It was a relationship I took for granted. I ate vegetarian all the time, did not have a soda or coffee habit and generally avoided junk food. Those eating habits coupled with a part-time job that was at least mildly physical and a non-aversion to being outside had me IMAGINING that everything body-wise would work out with no additional effort on my part. It wasn't a perfect relationship but I've seen and heard stories much worse. And I still don't know what went wrong or the exact science of why/how I gained back 20-odd pounds since 2012. My tired/overused explanation is always that I just do not have the metabolism that allows for skipping the focused fitness, water consumption and portion control.
I throw a bit more blame around as well:
~Minnesota! (I can't work out. TOO hot & TOO sweaty! Now TOO cold & Wind Chill is dangerous!).
~Christmas Cookies! We need ALL those old favorites or we risk losing our traditions!
~Work! Weird Hours and Flaky Co-workers! I'm too tired and disgruntled to do anything!
Then the food relationship begins to change. Thanks to new introductions (SparkPeople, PopSugar, HASFit, FitnessBlender) my eyes open, my mind broadens and my tastes change. To call the old lifestyle a toxic relationship is going a bit far, but I do recognize that some of my interactions had become unhealthy. I am unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I distance myself from old favorites/friends that I now see as the enemy. They act all refined(sugar) or complex(carbs) but I see through them! I finally recognize many of the elements of the relationship as being empty. We spend more, and more time apart. I have successes that don't involve these elements at all. And the thought of being with them again fills me with anxiety INSTEAD of comfort.
And then the seemingly inevitable backslide...I gave in to the Bagel temptation the other day after SparkPeople crabbed at me for not eating enough calories the previous day. I SHOULD think of it as a mere flirtation : I didn't eat an ENTIRE egg sandwich on an Everything Bagel - I stopped after half. It was both familiar & delicious as well as guilt inducing.
I KNOW there are better choices out there : ones that are more healthy for me, that are more well rounded and balanced. Then, pile on the knowledge that many people see The Bagel as being one of the worst offenders, so very MANY empty calories...but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has fallen hard for a Bad Boy! But it ended there. I remembered who I was now. How our separation is actually working for ME.
Perhaps though, I may need to have MORE half bagel interactions. Or twice in one night (have wine). Possibly just to prove that doing so won't undo all my growth and hard work? I suppose Our relationship just needs to EVOLVE. We don't need to see each other on a regular basis, but hooking up occasionally won't be the end of the world. I need to TRUST that I will do what needs to be done if I spend too much time slumming it on the wrong side of the tracks.
Wow! Can you imagine the analyzing/analogizing I would be doing if I had eaten a doughnut? :) Yikes.
Sorry for the long-windedness. I just ran with it ;)