Day 458 What's on the scale.....grief or depression.
Monday, November 16, 2015
I did go into town today and took mom the things she asked me to bring her. I had to show her how to use the shredder again. (I'm having to do this almost every week.) I would not be surprised if it came to Thanksgiving day and they decide they don't want to go on a 2 hour car ride. In so many ways I don't think there will be many more holidays. I will do my best to make sure she has some nice decorations for Christmas since they got rid of her tree and some of her old decorations. I did manage to save some of them. And here I sit in tears again.
My mood is dark....but instead of trying to create anything today I cleaned one whole wall of kitchen cupboards. It took me an hour to get the melted mustard jar off my ceramic stove top. I just haven't used that burner in months. I'm going to try for the little cupboard with my big mixer on it tomorrow. It doesn't get used much anymore either so stuff tends to get piled on it. When I remodeled my kitchen I had a special cabinet built with enough space to use the mixer and not have to use it for anything else.
I'm torn between the grief I know I'm feeling about losing my mom and dad to mindlessness or a clinical depression I've been battling for 30 years. Or maybe I'm just still sick with my pneumonia. ugh...how do you ever figure these things out.