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Day 458 What's on the scale.....grief or depression.

Monday, November 16, 2015

I did go into town today and took mom the things she asked me to bring her. I had to show her how to use the shredder again. (I'm having to do this almost every week.) I would not be surprised if it came to Thanksgiving day and they decide they don't want to go on a 2 hour car ride. In so many ways I don't think there will be many more holidays. I will do my best to make sure she has some nice decorations for Christmas since they got rid of her tree and some of her old decorations. I did manage to save some of them. And here I sit in tears again.

My mood is dark....but instead of trying to create anything today I cleaned one whole wall of kitchen cupboards. It took me an hour to get the melted mustard jar off my ceramic stove top. I just haven't used that burner in months. I'm going to try for the little cupboard with my big mixer on it tomorrow. It doesn't get used much anymore either so stuff tends to get piled on it. When I remodeled my kitchen I had a special cabinet built with enough space to use the mixer and not have to use it for anything else.

I'm torn between the grief I know I'm feeling about losing my mom and dad to mindlessness or a clinical depression I've been battling for 30 years. Or maybe I'm just still sick with my pneumonia. ugh...how do you ever figure these things out.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Is there any kind of support group close to where you live? Even though you aren't doing the daily caregiving with your parents, you ARE slowly losing them, and it's HARD. Just being able to sit and talk and cry with others who are physically there, are going through similar things and can give you a hug can be a HUGE support.
    1560 days ago
    So sorry you are struggling. I hope you get a handle on it, and find peace.
    1561 days ago
    Regardless of why, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I cannot even imagine the pain you are in, and I wish I could hug you and share a nice cup of tea with you.
    1561 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    I'd think you'd need to see a doctor about maybe still having pneumonia since that isn't good. My mother died when I was 17 and my father got remarried and then died when I was 25, so I know about losing parents. At that age none of my peers were dealing with it, so I got no support.
    1561 days ago
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