Day 465 Without my Spark Friends I be lost.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Today was better....but I ran away from home by myself. I needed to go over to the quilt store to pick up the squares I had forgotten there on Fri. So that is a 40 mile drive to the SW....then I decided I wanted some beads to make some ornaments and drove to JoAnn Fabrics. But it is 50 miles north of me. No the quilt store but from my house. Took myself out for a not good for me lunch at a fast food place and decided I should check on dad's Ipad on my way home. Of course he was not there when I got there and the Ipad was unplugged. Now how in the hell is it supposed to charge that way.
My mom asked when we could decorate for Christmas. I was fairly calm and explained that I would bring her things to decorate with on Sat. She was glad I had her nativity and that I had her pretty leaded glass tree. But she didn't ask for anything else in particular. So I told her I was bringing her a wreath for the door and a cute little tree and some things for the table outside her door. I would also bring her some things for her bedroom window sill which is quite wide. Oh she did ask for some of my little stockings to hang on the leaded glass doors of her hutch. No problem I have made about 25 of them.
And then I cried all the way home because this may be the last holiday she remembers because her brain is leaving us.
Then my daughter called and she thinks I should confront my brothers about the other boxes but I am not going to do that. Especially at a time when my parents are within hearing range. No way no how. I will get thru this. I also called my doctor and she has no open appointments for weeks and I am not going to go into the walk-in clinic and try to explain that my depression is out of control to a strange doctor. But the clinic called me back and she will make time for me on Fri. I might be really emtional until then but ....
Oh well I can do this. I've been faking it for years. I am finding it extremely difficult to not just eat my way to feeling better.