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Food Addiction Is Hard But I Vow To Work Harder To Overcome It!!

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Hey Dolls!! :D :D :D :D

I hope I am finding you all well & striving!! I hope you are all moving forward & getting closer to your own goals. I hope you are enjoying this most beautiful, magical time of year & savoring every second of it!

So much has happened since the last time I blogged. Actually, within a few days of my last blog in June, my life was turned completely upside down when I received some truly devastating & completely life changing news about one of my brothers. While I can still not bring myself to discuss what happened, I find that I need to open myself up more & allow myself & the wounds that it caused me to heal. To say that receiving this news has been hard to deal with would be an understatement. I've tried my hardest to move forward from it but I've spent every day from then & up until now steadily losing & gaining back the same 20-25lbs of unwanted & certainly not needed weight. I've spent from that day until now battling a vicious cycle of gaining & losing that same number of pounds over & over & over, of finding my strength to move on only to go right back to the addiction that got me to my highest weight ever & brought to this site in the first place. I thought I had overcome my addiction with using food to cope with emotions but I have come to the realization that this addiction will always live inside of me but that it is up to me & only me to want to live healthy & happy more than I want to feed my addiction to food. Bad things, big things, devastating things will always have a way of showing up unwelcomed & I've come to terms with the fact that I need to learn to deal with my habit of turning to food now if I ever want this cycle to truly end. If I wasn't so focused on my exercise & keeping my streak alive, I'd hate to see how much more weight I could of possibly racked up.

I am thankful for that fact that SP has reignited my flame to exercise & remain active but I now realize that you can never out-exercise poor eating. I refuse to die a binge eater, an emotional eater or with a sense of never fulfilling my dream of optimum health & happiness all because of my addiction to food & my unhealthy relationship with it. Instead, I vow to battle my whole life to choose health over temptation because I am worth it. I refuse to stuff my face to cover up emotion because that is no way to deal & I can't live like that any longer. I can't change what has happened but I can refuse to let it change me. I can choose to not let it interfere with my own goals. I can choose to rise above pain & be victorious. I can choose to wear my battle wounds proudly & keep striving for greatness despite my downfalls.

Tomorrow is my 28th Birthday. My 28th year of life. Tomorrow will mark 10 years since I was a Senior in high school & completely happy with my weight & how my body looked. Tomorrow marks the first day of a year that will forever change my life because tomorrow I will began a journey to lose the last 80.2lbs of weight I started on this site to lose & reach my goal weight. Tomorrow marks a new beginning. Tomorrow marks the first day of a year long journey back to better health, back to fit, back to me.

If all goes right & as planned my 29th year of life on December 10th of 2016 will mark the first day of the rest of my life that I will spend maintaining the weight that I hope to die at. I am done going back. I am done gaining & losing & gaining & losing & dealing with that whole crazy, messed up cycle. I am done working so hard only to let food bring me back down. I done sweating my butt off working out only to turn around & binge on cookies til I'm sick. I am DONE!!

I know this blog is different from my usual happy, go lucky demeanor but I needed to write this blog for me. I needed to compose this blog to both hold myself accountable for my addiction & to make what I am promising myself public to keep me true to my goals & focused on what I need to do to achieve them! I needed to get it down on paper to make it real, to make it known, to make it. Period. I needed to write this blog because I need all of your support, your friendship & your accountability at this time. I admire so many of you so much more than you know. I admire your strength. I admire your courage. I admire the beauty you add to this world simply by existing.I admire your journey & how it will forever be intertwined with mine through this amazing site that has brought us together & helped me to forge so many friendships that I probably would have never known outside of this virtual sanctuary! I am so grateful for each & everyone of you & all of the undeniable beauty you've added to my life.

This will be a hard year for me & I know that there will be highs & there will be lows but with the support of you all, I will overcome & get through every single obstacle that comes my way! Food addiction is truly hard to deal with but I vow to work even harder to overcome it because I am worth the time, the effort & the sacrifices it requires to reach the level of optimum health & happiness that I desire & because of this, I vow to not waste another day letting things that I am fully capable of controlling hold me back any longer.

Stay Fabulous, Stay Focused, Change IS Coming,

Jes

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TRAINER_T
    emoticon About the news of your brother and that I missed this blog.......you are right about just getting some things out in a safe place like SP. I don't know what you have been through, but I have leaned on my SP friends when stuff with my sister went on.

    Its hard not to find a way to stuff down what we feel, for me I had to really let go of knowing I can't control my sister, I can help but its her life and I have to release that.

    I got the book "The Gifts of Imperfections" I really felt that helped me move forward with some feelings I had with her, and my own life.

    Wishing you the best in 2016 and that those goals are going to be emoticon when you reach them, I know you can do it! You are always kind, to sprinkle stuff on my page and encouraging words your just a sweetie!

    emoticon I pray for healing for you and your bother and all those effected. Your Spark friend, Teresa
    1477 days ago
  • MRS_EVA_K
    Whatever happened Jes, I'm sorry. I hope you heal well, as emotional wounds always seem to take the longest to recover.

    You're a recovering food addict. It'm much like being in AA. We all fall off the wagon from time to time. The important thing is you recognize the behavior and you are taking steps to control it. I'm proud of you. Progress not perfection. You're doing well.

    Oh! and a belated happy birthday.
    1505 days ago
  • JANTHEBLONDE
    Wow! Jes thank you so much for sharing! I am truly sorry to hear about your brothers devastating and life-changing event you have had to deal with. Yes, you're absolutely right food is easy to go to when life gets hard! I applaud you for writing this blog! Thank you for being such a wonderful sparks friend to me. You're always there to make me smile with your goodies and messages leave on my sparks page! 2016 is going to be a great year for you... I just know it! Wishing you a Beautiful Day and a Wonderful Weekend full of lots of Fun, Love and Happiness!
    Hugs and Love! xoxo
    emoticon
    P.S. I hope you had a Birthday that is the special as you are!
    1508 days ago
  • KAREN608
    I enjoy an honest blog like this. I've had a year of pain, and wanting to binge is always there, and I know it is not the answer. Stress relievers can be other things, that won't harm my body or spirit! So I am with you on this quest. Hand in hand we can pull each other along. It will be a challenging year. I have about the same amount of weight left to lose. It is doable.
    1509 days ago
  • JANET552
    emoticon for what you have been dealing with. You are a very strong person and I know you will find a way to let your self deal with your emotions in non food ways. I know how hard it is. It is still a struggle for me but I believe I am improving.

    emoticon and Best Wishes that year 28 is as fabulous as you now envision!!
    1510 days ago
  • LINDA!
    emoticon emoticon
    1510 days ago
  • CHRISTINEBWD
    I will be there for you doll. You are always there for me. Just seeing you racking up the fitness on the friend's feed makes me try harder. And about food addiction, that is the hardest one to cope with because food is always in our faces. I will pray you can find other ways to feel inner peace and contentment. I am (of course) working on the same thing. emoticon emoticon
    1510 days ago
  • CHANGZWALK
    emoticon emoticon emoticon methinks recognizing and understanding is the place to start ~ always! This *epiphany* & *declaration* is honest and worth holding onto, deep down inside.... don't ever let it go. Repeat and practice, repeat and practice until your heart inside knows and lives what your brain understands today and has decided... This, you... are worth fighting this battle and it is possible to overcome and get better.... You are also perceptive to realize that it may be triggered again during periods of acute stress and emotional pain... but you learn, come to understand and practice the skills that will help you go through those times in better, more healthful ways...

    emoticon Oh how I wish there were a magic wand, but what you have said and declared here is the true and real way through this... there are many of us fighting this battle... It is only newly and recently truly understood, and methinks the more we acknowledge and share (not dwell as a victim but embrace and fight to overcome), the more healing and support and understanding we will all find... much as the battle of alcoholism was so misunderstood at one time...

    Hang in! You can & will be able to do this! Believe it, embrace it, make it an adventure, just as you have taken on exercise and weightloss ~ this/you deserve the same enthusiasm and all the tlc & self-care you can give yourself....

    (hugs :)
    1510 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/9/2015 4:54:45 PM
  • LIZSPRINGSTEEN
    WE CAN DO THIS!!!!! WE WILL OVERCOME!!!!
    1510 days ago
  • NISSANGIRL
    Praying for your brother girl, hope things or whatever is going on gets better for him soon emoticon Good luck with your maintaining , we are all here to support one another , u have the greatest attitude and that helps so much on so many levels!! Have a great day gf emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1511 days ago
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