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Sunday, March 20, 2016

I just read a very courageous post by a spark friend. She has loved ones with very complicated and painful lives, and I just cannot imagine the stress of her being so strong and wise and doing the right thing, which is often the really hard thing.

And I have been sitting here thinking that my life is much simpler in comparison. Okay, so the kid had knee surgery - but she's young and strong and she will heal, it's just a matter of time, patience, and effort. And work is stressful and depressing, but that's why they have to pay us, right? So yes, my life is a lot simpler. So why am I doing such a poor job of handling the stress lately?

I've been trying hard the last couple of months, since the kid injured her knee and then had to have surgery, to be a calm and optimistic parent. And to feed that fake calm, I've been stuffing myself with all sorts of carbs and fat. Like chocolate cake - I've had a piece every day for nearly a week. The kid's soccer team brought the cake to cheer the kid up, but neither she nor the hub like chocolate cake. I should have tossed it but instead I've been popping it like an antidepressant. I don't want to think about the piles of crunchy salty things I've been tossing down my gullet.

And I'm too wimpy to step on the scale. My pants are getting a little tight, so this weekend I transitioned to my older pants which are one size larger. So bad things are happening. Every morning I wake up resolved: today I'm getting back on track. And every night by midnight things have fallen apart.

So I'm going to read my spark friend's blog again, and resolve to be "capable and brave and significant." I am going to shake off this self-pity/denial and get back on track.
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  • no profile photo CD1338628
    We are our own worst critics. It's important to focus on the good. We tend to go right to the negatives. It's human nature to focus on our own flaws. So, your highlights: your cogniscent of your situation, you're wanting to be healthy, you've got a great support system (who doesn't like cake?!) and you're here!! Is everything perfect? No. Is it ever perfect? No. Nothing is perfect. You can choose to focus on the losses or choose to focus on the wins. Either way- you're trying to make yourself happy and satisfied with you. I, personally, think we all slip from time to time and as long as we don't take a dive and throw in the towel, that we can get back up and be great!
    1845 days ago
    Yes, we certainly do self-medicate with all the wrong foods The worse part is that it NEVER makes us feel better, it is simply a compulsion on my part.

    You are already capable and brave and significant. You just have to remember that and self-care, if you don't take care of you, you can't take care of them.

    1856 days ago
    Bemused, this is me, too, until about three days ago: "Every morning I wake up resolved: today I'm getting back on track. And every night by midnight things have fallen apart." I was like that for weeks, trying to avoid facing whatever it was that was bothering me, which I can't even pinpoint as I sit here typing. I ate, I slept, I ate, I slept. When I finally got on the scale, I found that I had gained nearly ten pounds. I was hoping it would be less, but I wasn't surprised. And I don't know why, but it made me feel better finally to learn the truth. I feel hope again that I can overcome my addiction, for it clearly is an addiction. You are so right to compare cake to antidepressants! We think it'll make us feel better, but the "better" feeling is so fleeting and leads only to more desperation!

    You are NOT wimpy! Everybody's problems and temperaments are different! From my perspective, you are capable, brave, and significant! No doubt about it!
    1856 days ago
    Very courageous!
    1856 days ago
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