Sunday, March 20, 2016
I just read a very courageous post by a spark friend. She has loved ones with very complicated and painful lives, and I just cannot imagine the stress of her being so strong and wise and doing the right thing, which is often the really hard thing.
And I have been sitting here thinking that my life is much simpler in comparison. Okay, so the kid had knee surgery - but she's young and strong and she will heal, it's just a matter of time, patience, and effort. And work is stressful and depressing, but that's why they have to pay us, right? So yes, my life is a lot simpler. So why am I doing such a poor job of handling the stress lately?
I've been trying hard the last couple of months, since the kid injured her knee and then had to have surgery, to be a calm and optimistic parent. And to feed that fake calm, I've been stuffing myself with all sorts of carbs and fat. Like chocolate cake - I've had a piece every day for nearly a week. The kid's soccer team brought the cake to cheer the kid up, but neither she nor the hub like chocolate cake. I should have tossed it but instead I've been popping it like an antidepressant. I don't want to think about the piles of crunchy salty things I've been tossing down my gullet.
And I'm too wimpy to step on the scale. My pants are getting a little tight, so this weekend I transitioned to my older pants which are one size larger. So bad things are happening. Every morning I wake up resolved: today I'm getting back on track. And every night by midnight things have fallen apart.
So I'm going to read my spark friend's blog again, and resolve to be "capable and brave and significant." I am going to shake off this self-pity/denial and get back on track.