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Letter to myself

Sunday, April 10, 2016

My Spark Coach assignment for today was to write a supportive letter to myself., from a friends perspective. What can I say, when ever I need a boost, or a kick in the pants, there is something external that speaks to my heart.

Dear Sunny,

You have been actively working your program since September 2015. Your first step was to log your food and track your activity. You have been fluttering along with fits and starts. emoticon

emoticon Good job on completing the 30 day small challenges. Setting your goals, action steps and adjusting the sails as you continue are your journey has been emoticon You are really good at working your plan, until distractions come along. Keep pushing it lady. You are getting there. Don't beat yourself up for what you haven't accomplished. Give yourself a pat on the back for how far you have come. Continue motivating yourself and challenging yourself.

You quit smoking, and held fast for 173 days. That was quite a good streak. You had a relapse. I am sorry that happened, but I don't want you to feel bad about it. I know you are trying, and sometimes that happens. I know you will regain your non-smoker status. You can do this! emoticon So you fell off the wagon, get up, dust off your britches and start again! DON'T QUIT working your program! Think of this as a detour. It is easy to take for granted that once you have mastered something, it will last forever. So start another streak, and stay motivated. Wear earplugs so you don't hear negative thoughts. Put sweet smelling flowers on your desk. Enjoy the process of finding your sobriety! Keep posting your daily emoticon . Keep going and never give up.

Be mindful of the danger as you are reaching your goals because you are working hard. Complacency comes in because you are handling it, and then BOOM- one day you are no longer being mindful and the little slips become a landslide.

The stress levels created by the family tensions were pretty bad, and you hadn't prepared yourself for this. Congratulations for not losing that temper of yours and for trying to see it from the other parties perspective! emoticon

I am sorry your spouse's reaction to the tension and smoking , threatened the marriage. You didn't see that coming, I am sure. You have realized your spouse is one of those people where every thing is fine as long as it is going his way. You have the right, and the responsibility to speak up and if he choses not to receive the information, it in no way diminishes your worth as and individual. You do have some serious matters that need to be settled, and I know God will be with you as you make the decisions.

All you can do is leave the past in the past, slow down, regroup and continue to make yourself a priority. What will happen will happen, and stressing about it isn't going to resolve the issues.

Remember you can only focus on the things within your circle of influence. This is your hula hoop. You can't be responsible of others feelings or reactions. While you will always be Mom, your children are adults and will have to navigate their way through life too.

The other thing that you have tried to do is keep others from interfering with issues inside your hula hoop. Friends and family may try to do things for you, but ultimately you are the one who makes the final decision. Be patient, respectful and kind, but also remain steadfast. No one has the right to tell you what to eat, how to do things or if you are allowed to smoke.

I know criticism cuts deeply into your heart. You have no control over what others say. You can choose to ignore the comments, or move on. This isn't as easy with people you live with. Acknowledge that they are trying to help, but remind them it isn't their responsibility or duty. Let them know that if you need their help, you will ask.

The storm that is brewing is coming is partially due to not communicating your wishes and expectations clearly. All you can do it hold fast to your convictions, and let it unfold. If the relationship is truly built on honesty and respect, the waters will calm. If the foundation is not solid, then you have to accept that, and dance through it without guilt or remorse.

Another part of the issue is taking things for granted. It was great that hubby picked up all the household chores for you when you weren't feeling well. Now that you are physically able to participate in the chores, it is unreasonable to expect the same level of support. Again complacency sets in. Team members work together towards a common goal. I know that sharing is hard for you, as you have only had to rely on yourself for so many years. But all the players on the team need to be doing their share of the work.

Bless you my friend.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GENRE009
    Wow, what A FAN BASE! You are definitely talented in your voice, and message. emoticon
    1824 days ago
    What an insightful blog! emoticon
    1825 days ago
  • FOXBAY99
    GOOD JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I particularly like "Be kind to yourself..
    I think your attitude and being positive go a long way.
    Treat yourself as you would treat a friend in need.

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    1825 days ago
    Interesting and insightful. I should do this too!
    1825 days ago
    -- NO SNOW FALLING HERE---- There is hope!--LOL---- plus we have SUN!!--- YOUZA! --How are yu doing on the smoking thing?--- Nice to see yu on the blog-I sure appreciate the support-Lynda
    1825 days ago
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    1825 days ago
    Wow! I've been saying this to myself the last few weeks, "The only failure is in not trying." I'm sorry your marriage is in transition. Few people like change and the more deeply rooted the habits are that we try to fix, the more it unsettles those around us (who may have said "I'll support you" but are finding out words are just words, and actions - including changes for themselves - are what is called for).

    Big hugs, you tremendously amazing inspirational woman!

    1826 days ago
    So inspiring! What a beautiful letter to yourself and so full of compassion and truth!
    1826 days ago
    Good letter. Do not give up on quitting - to quit smoking is HARD, and it takes several tries! I know, I did it. And the urge is right there, even after many years. I had quit for 8 years, and I went right back to it after my mother died. I quit again, and I have been smoke free for 5 years now. What are you doing to help you? Do you need a cheerleader? Let me know if I can help!
    1826 days ago
  • UNIQUE55
    This is a great "Letter to myself" that you have shared with us!!!
    Among all the struggles, you are doing awesome!!!!
    1826 days ago
    Sunny~ This is a very beautiful~,from-the-heart-blog! I thank you for having the courage to share it. GOD is on YOUR side and being my SISTER IN CHRIST, I pray for you and your well-being ,as THAT comes first! I think you are strong in your convictions and that will serve you well as YOU ARE WORTHY ,DEAR SISTER!!! You are a very SPECIAL PERSON and I pray for your marriage .You have come so FAR and you will KEEP GOING, I KNOW as YOU KNOW the Lord as your Saviour and are doing His Will. CONGRATULATIONS on stopping smoking! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1826 days ago
    FINALLY--it stopped snowing and the temp rose to PLUS 3C-----Everything is melting---- Lynda
    1826 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15542977
    BIG HUG emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1826 days ago
    A very awesome blog! I want you to know that you are worth quitting smoking and you are worth keeping on with your goal to be healthy. You are worth having a loving and supportive partner in your marriage. You are never too old to grow and learn.
    I was just saying that I have lost my motivation, but you have helped me to regain some of it.
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    1826 days ago
    A very honest and heartfelt blog.

    Please, please stay strong about giving up those cigarettes. I know how hard it is from watching my Dad all those years. We lost him much too soon.

    Please, please stay strong about healthy habits even if you don't have the proper support at home. Continue to log in here. We will be your support.

    Hang in there!
    1827 days ago
    emoticon Such an honest and heartfelt blog. Always remember through all the negativity, you have Spark Friends cheering you on.
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    1827 days ago
    I really liked your blog post, and I think it was an excellent assignment by your Spark Coach. We all need to do this. A lot of things you mentioned hit home with me as well. You really sound like you're headed down the right path.

    Best of luck on your journey.
    1827 days ago
    Thanks for sharing! emoticon
    1827 days ago
  • PEAJAY26
    Excellent blog Sunny. Please continue to be a friend to yourself who is both honest and compassionate. Congratulations on your work to kick the habit. I know that is a super tough vice to give up. You have worked hard at your program. Make sure to allow yourself time to rest, relax, and enjoy the gift that each day is.
    Relationship problems are so stressful but we all experience them from time to time. The websites Marriage Today by Jimmy & Karen Evans & Marriagebuilders.com by Dr. Harvey are both excellent resources for navigating these emotional waters. Prayers that things fall into place, however they are meant to be. emoticon
    1827 days ago
  • ACRAIG921
    What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    1827 days ago
    Wow, what a great blog--so full of honesty, wisdom, and beauty. It seems you are achieving a balance between protecting your individuality and freedom, and giving generously and lovingly of yourself to those around you.

    I applaud you for giving up smoking, and am so glad you won't let your setback deter you from your goal. I have heard that smoking is one of the hardest things to give up. My mother smoked from age 17 (when she went off to college), until the day she was admitted to the hospital for her final surgery at age 70. She smoked at least a pack a day, so that's a LOT of cigarettes. My older brother tried and tried to make her quit, and sometimes she would stop for a day or two, but she was never motivated enough to carry through, despite having serious health problems unrelated to smoking.

    I wish you success! You have a great attitude!
    1827 days ago
    Awesome post. You obviously know where you are and what you want. You are right on, on so many issues in your life. I hope the rough parts smooth out for you but I know you will keep going no matter happens.
    1827 days ago
  • FITJEN48
    What a beautiful letter. You've learned so much, and each lesson is a testimony to your faithfulness to continue to go for it. I appreciate that about you. You are an encourager for sure, and I would venture to guess the encourager needs encouragement every so often. So....Sunny, you're a blessing. Your tender heart shines through every comment you leave on blog posts. And you have managed to stick to things. Sticking to things speaks to your character. When we stop sticking, something threw us off our game. It takes a wise person to see it and adjust, that would be you! Spark on, my friend, you're gonna get there. I just know it.
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo LBUSH1
    HI Sunny, you are so creative. very nice. I liked all the pictures you added. One step at a time. Good reminder, as I am struggling with eating cookies and studying.
    1827 days ago
    Hard eh?----- It sounds like you are doing well -Lynda
    1827 days ago
  • AURA18
    You are a true friend to yourself...to write a heartfelt letter and share it with others. This letter is a major accomplishment, a Master's degree in self love. Love the camera sign "Develop from Negatives." There is so much strength, forgiveness and most of all love in your words.Bravo! {{{HUGS}}} Maribeth
    1827 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/10/2016 9:23:05 PM
    Incredible blog my dear friend. Your honesty and struggles are heard. Smoking is a biggie. I quit cold turkey 18 years ago. It was hell. You know that already so I don't have to say anything more about that subject. You mentioned fresh flowers. Always and always have fresh flowers somewhere near you. It just reinforces how beautiful you are inside and out. Best wishes to you Sunny, love, fredie
    1827 days ago
    Wow, Sunny, that is a powerful post. It breaks my heart that your marriage has suffered, but I hope you can find a path to better communication. Being equal partners in the relationship is so important, be sure to stand your ground. Don't give up on your desire to quit smoking! I had one cigarette about 6 months after I quit (nearly 36 years ago!), and it tasted so terrible that I knew I was done. I hear it takes a year to fully stop the cravings, but I know some people who never lose them. Trust that you have the power to control yourself, and you'll be great!

    Warm hugs to you, my friend.
    1827 days ago
  • MAYIE53
    Wonderful blog. We have so many issues in common. You have made such good progress. I'm going to pretend that a lot of the things you said here (to yourself) were really being said to me. Thank you for the idea of encouraging oneself!
    1827 days ago
  • MSHEL7
    Great Letter!!
    1827 days ago
    You have given yourself good advice and taken credit for successes as well as loving yourself thru some struggles.

    You are awesome!
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12068097
    Beautiful chosen words.

    Please don't forget... EVERY STORM RUNS OUT OF RAIN. this has helped me get through a LOT. HUGS

    Thanks for the heads up to read this, you are the BEST dear friend.
    1827 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/10/2016 2:28:56 PM
    This is a awesome letter to yourself!
    You can do anything you set your mind to doing! We are all here to support you!
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3934996
    Hi... Good blog.. I loved it and I will be reading it more often.. You are so much like a really good friend of mine... Happy you found me.... Thanks Friend.. In His Love and Grace Just Me emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16110307
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    1827 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15822068
    Wow!!! What an emoticon emoticon blog. That honesty is so crucial to success. It is so easy to hide from yourself. Believe me I know that for sure. This is what I needed. Thank you for posting this. God bless. Hugs, MJ
    1827 days ago
    Excellent letter to yourself! Did it clarify things in you? Leave you feeling better? I hope so! We all have so many struggles and battles! You sure aren't alone! I sometimes think we believe we are the only one with our backpack of worries and concerns!
    I know it can be very hard to not smoke! I like the line "Don't quit quitting!" I was never a big smoker, but after I quit many years ago, I still had dreams about smoking...I just did last night! And I have had friends quit and quit again many times, and I see what determination it takes! I wish you well with it! You will do it...
    Thanks for sharing your letter!
    1827 days ago
    Excellent. Great post.

    I love the idea of writing a letter to yourself from someone else's perspective. I love the idea of you reminding yourself of your awesomeness. I love the idea of you keeping this close, so you can remember, on days where you don't feel so awesome, that you are.

    Great idea, great job.

    Spark on.
    1827 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/10/2016 1:03:35 PM
    Beautifully written, thank you for sharing.

    Keep pushing my Spark friend, you are worthy, strong and beautiful inside and out.

    1827 days ago
    That was lovely Sunny. With such a kind, honest and steadfast supporter (yourself!) you cannot fail! I do hope everything works out for the best for you.
    1827 days ago
    I thought this was so beautiful, so well written, thank you for taking the time to write it and share with me..i found so many messages for me
    1827 days ago
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