It just is
Saturday, April 23, 2016
I have come to the conclusion at this time in my life that I am worrying about unimportant stuff...I am not fond of the weight and size I am at the moment, but I have come to realize it is who I am. Does that mean I give up trying to be healthy and fit? Absolutely not! It means I am no longer working out to lose weight or be healthy- I have started swimming again for the pure enjoyment of it. Years (and years and years) ago, I was put on a swim team to help me deal with my parents divorce..and I did find that concentrating on making it from wall to wall and not losing count on how many laps I was doing, kept me from all the nasty thoughts that an 8 year old would focus on...Now, at almost 40, I was focused on all the wrong things, all the things I was not satisfied with in my life...I decided that needed to change- I was worth the $40 bucks a month to go to a gym with a pool...I was worth the extra money for a workout suit...and now I am finding happiness in the pool again..sometimes I use the time to give some thought to some problems, but mostly I just focus on putting one arm in front of the other...I started out only being able to swim 40 laps, 2 at a time with a significant rest on the wall (I say "only" because there was a time for me when 40 laps was a warm up). Today I did 50 laps, 10 laps at a time with minimal rest at the wall...and willing to bet there will be more to come! I did a water aerobics class too! I felt incredibly stupid at first, and then I started to think, who cares?! I had a great time! (and 2 days later my muscles hurt like crazy!) I cut my hair nice and short, mostly because I hated the damage all my seizure meds had done to it, but I also just wanted the simplicity...slowly but surely the petty stuff is getting less and less of my attention! The water is so calming, my knees don't hurt, I don't have the sweaty gross feeling, and I feel great when I climb out of the pool. What I lack in speed and endurance, I make up in skill. For once, I am actually focusing on how to swim the strokes, and how best to put my muscles to work! (my swim coaches would be proud!)I am not even thinking of this as a "new start" - it just is. And I am completely satisfied with that.