Oh No, It's Back
Saturday, April 30, 2016
My fiance and I weigh ourselves weekly, I find it gives me more encouragement, as the scales are more likely to show a change after an entire week rather than just a day or two. That being said, I felt the complete opposite of encouragement last week when I found I had put on 0.8kg instead of losing anything. I think completely devastated and discouraged better describes my feelings, in fact.
I injured my foot the previous Saturday, so on that Sunday's weigh-in, I had still lost, but for the entirety of last week I had to stop my Zumba classes and was relegated to I think it was 3 or 4 days of exercise and even that was only pilates, yoga and a modified body balance class. I managed my first body pump class, which was exciting, but that is weight-based rather than cardio, so it was nice and easy on my foot.
Apparently that whole week was nice and easy on my weightloss too, because when I stepped on that scale, I saw almost a kg MORE than the previous week and I died a little inside. I don't know if it was the lack of exercise, or the fact that we had a night at the local Indian restaurant (which I tracked, allowed for and still didn't go over my calories), or perhaps even the fact that I struggle immensely hard usually to make it UP to the minimum 1280 calories and usually fall 100-200 short.
Whatever the cause, the result has left me disillusioned and depressed all week, with an overwhelming feeling of "why bother". I think I'm sticking with everything at the moment out of sheer stubbornness and the fact that I actually really enjoy my gym classes and have a 12 month membership to use even if I didn't.
My fiance keeps telling me it was a minor setback, I keep telling him it's horrible that if I don't do a minimum of 2 hours at the gym every day I put on weight. And this is what's at the core of my misery I guess. I feel like unless I do a ridiculous amount of working out (and yes, I have been spending 2 hours a day at the gym lately), I will get nowhere and consistently put on weight until I can no longer move and have a heart attack or something.
My imagination may be a little in overdrive, but that's where it's going right now and these thoughts really, really suck.