Saying goodbye is hard!

I know I haven't been very interested in Spark-ing lately...

Not that I'm not doing the right things for my health...
I'm eating well, drinking water, working out... I just have NO MOTIVATION or TIME to track at all!
And that's OK. (I tell myself!)
Sometimes life pushes you into a much more important issue to deal with...

... Like my Mom!


I don't even want to rehash the story... I've replayed it too many times in my head and talked it out so many more times with my siblings and my Dad!
I am just ready to move on with the happy memories and my new perspective on LIFE because of it!

The story I'm referring to is the story of my mother's passing on May 10th.
She was only 63 years old...
She began to have some difficulty breathing one day... which turned into a doctors visit, which turned into a hospital stay... which turned into a heart attack... and ultimately turned into my mother having open heart surgery and being unable to fight the uphill battle! Her heart was in worse shape then any one could have guessed!


It was tragic to see her, one day seeming so normal... to the next, on life support machines in ICU! It was 2 very emotional weeks for me and my family and saying goodbye was no easier!


My mom's funeral was on May 17th... it was a beautiful celebration of her life, but sooo many tears were shed! It's still hard to believe that she is really gone!


Day by day, I get stronger. I haven't cried about her in weeks (scratch that, I just started crying)...
This past weekend I felt compelled to spend yet another weekend with my Dad, since his birthday was this past Thursday (it's a 6 hour round trip commute to see him!) which I KNOW he LOVED!!!

But all my own housework has taken a back seat to me driving to see my Dad, doing all HIS housework... then cooking him some meals and doing the gardening and yard work, all before I leave! (Less than 48 hours!)

Life has been challenging for the past month, to say the least... but after this last visit, I could tell my Dad was already showing signs of recovery! Slightly less devastated... still sad, but more rational! ... less mad, more understanding! I can't imagine how he must feel right now (probably very alone and uncertain of his future) so all I can do now is contact him daily to make sure he's in the right head space and knows that I'm here for him when he needs me!!!

So... that in a nutshell has been my May.

After logging into Spark to write this blog, I noticed the title of my previous Blog was so very fitting... "Pain is inevitable, but misery is a choice". And this is definitely a situation in life that hurts... but the misery of it, that's MY CHOICE!


I love you Mom! I will be talking to you every night!