Too big for LapBand

Yesterday, I met with a surgeon re. getting weight loss surgery.

After I'd left, I felt like I had gotten kicked in the teeth.

She was brutally honest, and maybe more than honest, I think she missed the mark on some things, but maybe I'm just in denial. Anyhow, it caused me to doubt myself.

She told me I'm not a rule follower. Yeah. I could have told you that. More on that later.

She said that I wasn't being honest about smoking. No, that's not true. I have nothing to hide. I smoked on and off for several years, but I quit after I was hospitalized for a bad infection. That was over a year ago. February 2015 was when I quit. No if's and's or butt's about it. I'm a former smoker. And if it says different in my chart, then they are just plain wrong. So she was wrong about that.

She said I haven't been compliant with my diabetes meds. She's right on that one. I never got a clarification on my diabetes diagnosis. I had to ask for meds to be prescribed, but point taken. I can change that and would like to get rid of my diabetes. From now on, I'm going to do better on this. I'll take my diabetes self-care by the horns and get regular testing. I'll take this ounce of criticism from her and do better.

She said I was being unclear about "wound care" services on my leg. I wasn't being dishonest, she just didn't listen enough to understand. I have venous insufficiency on my left leg. It's out of control, but I've been dealing with it. No wounds on my leg, just wound care as part of my care plan to reduce the swelling and get fitted for a compression sleeve. And I've got that scheduled.

She said that I had too much weight to lose and I'd never be able to do it without drastic surgery. How's that for a challenge? Her "opinion" (and I told her, that it was just her opinion) may have just been enough to light a fire under me. I think I can do it. I quit smoking. I've gotten through school. I can do hard things. Even if I've failed in the past. Lots of times. Maybe I was just working up to success. But I can't stop trying. I just can't. She said I have to lose over 250 lbs. Yes, that's a lot. And I better get moving. She's right on that. But I think she's wrong about it being impossible without drastic surgery. Maybe I'm just in denial, but I owe myself another try.

She was wrong at the way she treated me. Like a sub-human who wasn't capable of making decisions. She was wrong for the way she made me feel. She was wrong to judge so quickly without even knowing me.