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A panic attack over what?!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Today I stepped on the scale for the first time in 2 months. I was expecting the high 170's, which is a little more than what I weighed those 2 months ago. But nothing prepared me for the number that actually popped up on that scale.

190. I'm almost 200 pounds, and for my tiny 5'2" frame, that is far too much. I gasped for air, I started panicking. How could I have gained this much? 170, alone, was pushing it. And the worst part, how could I not SEE IT?!

I tried to calm down, but I could not. I struggled for breath, I was almost pulling out my hair, I had tears streaming down my face. I was having a panic attack over my weight! That horrific feeling lasted about 20 minutes, and afterwards, I was truly broken.

This was my breaking point. That big flashing sign that people get once or twice in their lifetime came to greet me. I decided that I'm not only ready to commit to a healthy lifestyle, but that I also NEED to be ready. I understand that it will not be easy, but I know it will be WORTH IT.

I have a long journey ahead of me. I realized it is not an overnight change. I will mess up sometimes, I am sure that I will begin to second guess it. But I will not falter from the journey in front of me. I have to do this for me.

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