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This is a tough blog.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

A little back story first. I am one of four children. First came my brother, then me, then two younger sisters. One sister lives nearby, and we don't really see each other, because of her attitude and addictions. The other came into town yesterday, with her DARLING Daughter, who has Cerebral Palsy. I asked my darling Daughter to take her cousin out last night for dinner. My DD has just started her new job, and was tired. She asked if I would go with them, so she could have a beer or two and not have to drive (that's my girl!!). I told her that I would lvoe to come, and the three of us headed off to a local restaurant/bar to eat and talk.

My niece told us, during the dinner, that she was having more trouble walking then usual, because she was on some different medication. Doctors have tried for years to ease her difficulty walking, and have never been successful. Cerebral Palsy affects the ability of the brain to send signals to muscles. Luckily, my niece only has it in her thighs, but try to walk without those muscles, and you will understand her difficulty.

She then told us that the medication was anti-depressants, because she had been cutting herself. I have heard of cutting, have been horrified by it, but didn't understand the reasons behind it. It is a way to feel pain, to take away your inside pain. It turns out that her Father has been hitting her, and verbally abusing her. On Father's day, he called her a name, I can't even write here, but is most certainly not a name I would ever call a handicapped person, or anyone else for that matter. This man has a history of awful behavior. I have tried for YEARS to get my sister to leave him, as he was so abusive to her, both physically and mentally, but she would not leave because of her daughter. Now, it is a generational problem.

My DD and I spent a lot of time talking to my niece about her Father, her reaction, and her need to stand up for herself, and to tell this JERK that she will no longer accept his behavior. My DD even went farther, and told her cousin to text her if her Dad said ANYTHING to her, and my DD would tell her why it wasn't true. Proud Mom. I told my niece that I would be happy to fill in too, and if this continued, that I was coming out there and was going to raise hell.

It is such an interesting thing to me, because I have never had a problem speaking up for myself. If ANY man would have ever said, or done anything like that, he would not only be gone, he would know that his behavior was unconsionable. My sister never got this forthrightness, and it has harmed both her and her daughter. I am so sad today, thinking that this man has done these things to two really good women.

Cutting is very common among teens and young adults. My DD told me that she knew a lot of kids who had done it. Getting to the root of why is critical. I am going to talk to my sister about counseling, both for her and her daughter. Her husband will never go. He needs to go.

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    keeping you in my prayers babe emoticon
    1704 days ago
    My prayers to you & your family! I truly hope everyone involved, gets help!
    1705 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    Your niece thankfully trusts both you and your DD to tell about her situation at home, thank goodness she fells she can confide in you. I know you sister will probably will get upset when you talk to her---but this isn't just her own problem anymore. No one needs to be talked to with horrid words or hit. Time for your sister to open her eyes real wide and get out of this situation. If not for herself, she should do it for her daughter. Will keep you all in my prayers that this resolved soon.
    1707 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    How awful. That man needs to go, but away! I am so sorry for your sister and for your niece. What an awful way to live. I hope they are able to get help and get the courage to leave that sorry excuse of a man. Anybody that treats people the way he does does not deserve to have a family.
    I hope your niece gets the help she needs but I fear that there will never be enough help until she gets away from this horrible man she calls father.
    1707 days ago
    The best part of this post is that you and MF were there for your niece when she needed you the most. It's hard to know why you got the strong gene that your sister lacked, and now the niece is also suffering from this horrible man. She needs to have 911 on speed dial so that she can call whenever the abuse starts in, so that someone can hear it at the other end. There's no excuse for that kind of behavior. None.

    Cutting has become all too common. There are many students that come to our campus hoping that we can provide a solution for them so that they will stop the self-harm. It's heartbreaking.

    Thank you so much to you and MF for being there for her. She's a treasure, and needs to know that she is loved every day. She should get out of that house, and find a place where she feels safe.

    Her dad needs to be safe too - safe in prison.

    Much love to you all! XOXOXOXOX
    1707 days ago
    So very sad! I am so glad, however that she has you and your DD on her side to help! That support and help can make all the difference! I have learned that there are circumstances that people just can't see clear to get out of...and feel trapped and caught in ways you can't imagine! This man is not going to change and, I am sure you're right, will never leave! I have known a person who was also cutting, and I am sure this young woman, and her mother, could use counseling! I think that's something you would be so wise to suggest and support! I hope the daughter will go, even if her mother won't! I am sorry she has Cerebral Palsy and that antidepressants are causing her issues with it! Life is hard! I so hope she, and your sister, can make some changes with your help/support so this man (father) is not a part of their lives!
    Sending thoughts and prayers...
    1708 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    praying for you and yours.........

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1708 days ago
  • TC8890
    1708 days ago
    emoticon This is one of those things that is so sad, and requires more than bromides. You're doing what you can, hopefully your niece can (and will) get professional help.
    1709 days ago
    My prayers are with you. emoticon
    1709 days ago
    That man should be horse whipped. He's nothing but a coward. I'm sorry I have no use for anyone who abuses others. I hope they seek help.
    1709 days ago
    You're a good sister/aunt/mom, etc. Here's to your sister & niece.
    1709 days ago
    I'm very sorry for your niece, but I am glad that she has you and your DD to confide in.

    I hope your sis & her daughter can get the help they need.

    1709 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13354694
    emoticon emoticon
    1709 days ago
  • no profile photo JEANNETTE59
    I am so glad that your niece was able to confide in you and your DD. That took a lot of courage on her part. I know that you both will give her and your sister the support and encouragement they so desperately need. Sadly, it seems that they both will need counseling to reestablish their self worth and hopefully to give them the strength to get away from the husband/father.
    1709 days ago
    As someone who cut from the age of 12-25 and was in a violently abusive relationship, I feel so very much for her. emoticon I hope you can continue to be understanding with your niece and sister rather than angry (with your anger at the father being the exception, understandably). I always said I would never let anyone abuse me, but it is amazing and horrifying how slowly it happens. Before you know it, you are starting to believe that you are this worthless, horrible shadow of a human being like they are trying to tell you are. I am so glad your sister and niece have you and your awesome daughter for support. And I am truly sorry to hear that each of you is going through this. I also think talk therapy (with a QUALITY psychologist) is a wonderful idea. I know I still have effects of some of the trauma but have improved vastly with the help of a wonderful doctor!
    1709 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/23/2016 3:20:32 PM
    It must be so hard for your niece and your sister... I wish all the best to them!
    1709 days ago
    This is so sad. When I was young I taught dancing to two sisters who had cerebral palsy. They were just beautiful girls, inside and out.

    I lived with an abusive husband for 23 years, not so much physically but certainly a lot of mental & emotional abuse. I truly believed that I was stupid, a terrible mother and couldn't possibly do anything on my own. I don't think I would have ever left him - but I was lucky. He decided HE couldn't take it anymore and left me, and pretty much abandoned his children. That very day the divorce was final I said to myself "no one will ever treat me that way again". What I found out was that, in fact, it was ME who was taking care of everything, paying all the bills (he was an artist with no income for several years), and providing physical, emotional and spiritual support to my children. We got along just fine without him. It still frightens me to think that I was so brainwashed because I had always been the strong-willed child who believe she could do anything she wanted to do!

    Thank goodness your niece has you and your daughter for support!
    1709 days ago
    Reading this is heartbreaking, because I'm unfortunately familiar with much of the painful content. Thinking of you and your family. Know that you are a spark in their darkness.
    1709 days ago
  • no profile photo CHAYOR73
    emoticon sorry to hear about your family, they are so luck to have you and your daughter for support................ my prayers are with them to get the help they need and soon!!
    1709 days ago
  • MITCHSTA1232
    Sending prayers as you help your family!!!
    1709 days ago
    Thank heavens there are people in that girls' life that she can turn to and explain with honesty what's happening to her. Such a sad story, hopefully with you & your DD's support and involvement you can help to change the ending.
    1709 days ago
    Oh gosh, how utterly sad. Yes, I know all about teens and cutting. It is extremely hard to get a handle on, but definitely requires therapy, specifically didactic or talk therapy with those going thru the same things. I so feel for your niece. NO CHILD or ANYONE should be abused. That would infuriate me, too.

    Wrapping her (and you and your DD in prayers). I hope she gets the courage to stand up for herself. Your sister, too, but that has to come from her, as you know.

    1709 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949

    A few years ago, a daughter of a childhood friend of mine (families friends for multiple generations) hesitantly confided in me about her cutting in her teens/twenties that she replaced with elaborate tattoos and body piercings in her thirties/forties as a temporary release when her inner pain gets to be too much. Told me her skin art was a barometer of how she was doing. Her expectation was that I would think she was a bad person and she did not expect empathy (grew up with very abusive stepfather). There is so much pain in this world, much of which is unseen. Sigh.
    1709 days ago
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