Friday, June 24, 2016
I love lists. I love checking off lists. When I'm not making lists and checking them off, life gets chaotic.
One of my issues when I get depressed, is that I run out of drive and energy. My lists stop getting made, my days become foggy, stuff gets put off and forgotten about, I get unorganized and flake out on my responsibilities.
I discovered flylady like 6 years ago. I have never been consistent, but her lists are pre-made and when I'm in a dark depression as I am now, that's just one less thing I have to do to climb out of my hole.
I decided to download the flyhelper app yesterday for the umpteenth time (which to all the flybaby devotees out there, I am aware that it isn't hers, but if she ever makes an app, I will dump those one for hers in a heartbeat), and have got to work.
I am getting things done that need done without overwhelming myself, even exercised yesterday. Goals are so important when recovering from depression, which I'm determined to do. Praying that I don't run out of steam and keep it up.
I have no idea what my weight is today because I'm not going to weigh in until the 1st.
I drank my shake and am sipping a coffee. I thought I was still hungry after drinking it, but turns out I think I was anxious. Hanxious is what I am gonna call that. I minored in art therapy and took enough psych courses to know that it's a obsessive compulsive type anxiousness. I get it in my head that I need to eat because I'm used to eating, and the longer I go without satisfying the compulsion the stronger the anxiety gets. But I also know, that our bodies cannot maintain that state of anxiousness long, and that if I wait and sit with it, eventually the anxiety passes. Like riding a wave in the ocean... up and down, up and down. It's getting through the waves that can be tricky. The compulsion can be so strong and nearly impossible to resist.
But having a checklist and a plan for my food will help with resisting, and so far it is helping. I pray that God can keep me strong.