Struggling to accept my new reality

So I've been off work now for eight months with no end in sight. Unpaid. Issues with the insurance, which claims not enough info from my medical team. My doctor is insensed, and the insurance now has 85 pages of medical notes to go through. Well, they asked for it.

I am very, very reluctantly coming to the conclusion that this pain and difficulty walking may be my new reality. I have serious deterioration in my bones that bring me into the osteoperosis territory. The medication to prevent the return of cancer has sucked the calcium out of my bones. Frustrating, to say the least.

And I should find out this week whether I have some salivary glands removed because of lumps in them. If so, there is possibly chemo and radiation to follow.

And all this time of "putting on a brave face" has taken its toll, and I am now trying to locate and face those feelings that I have been burying for a decade of dealing with cancer.

Incredibly (to me!), my dear husband sticks by me and we continue to find things to share and enjoy together. I truly do not think I would still be here if not for him. And our 22 year old son is also doing wonderfully, recently moved in with some friends (some that he's known since pre-kindergarten), and he's staying close! I really couldn't have asked for better for him.

So now is really my time to get straightened out, face my past and my fears, my vulnerabilities. I'm finally ready!