It's all coming back to me now!
Friday, August 12, 2016
The segment for Day 2 of my SparkCoach program covered the fast break goals. Watching the video got me thinking about when I first joined SparkPeople back in 2008. I had so much success in the program then and lost 30 lbs. I lost that same 30 lbs again in 2012 when I recommitted to the program after a relapse to my old patterns and ways of eating. Since then, I have not consistently followed the program deeming it unnecessary since I lost hte weight and apparently was comfortable with the amount of weight I had put back on. I did, however, continue to make physical activity a priority in my life and I continued to check into the site from time to time, occasionally tracking my food albeit loosely, but most of the time to see my progress with my Spark Activity Tracker.
Fast forward to a few days ago when I stepped on the scale and saw that the weight I suspected I reached would turn into reality. In desperation, I decided that I needed to do something. So many questions have popped into my mind since then. How did I let this happen AGAIN?, Why do I continue returning to my old patterns of behavior whenever I reach a certain weight, only to gain it all back? Do I really feel that I am missing out on life when I am not stuffing my face with all those tasty but unhealthy treats on the premise that it's "just a little bit" or for "special occasions"? Could it be that I may have to cut these foods out of my diet completely, never to be enjoyed again? If that's the case, is it really that big of a deal to lose this extra 30 lbs? If I decide to lose it all again, how can I keep it off for good this time? My education in Psychology asks myself if I am experiencing some kind of depression cycle that causes this weight fluctuation or at least cause me to behave in a way that causes the weight gain. Most frustrating of all is the question of "Why can't I figure this out????". I am seriously driving myself crazy!
Today's review of the fast break goals was an eye opener for me. I was so excited when I realized that though I had not followed the program consistently, completely, and accurately these last few years, I have walked away from the experiences with lasting habits. Once very sedentary with no physical activity, I have become known in my office as the girl who ALWAYS walks on my lunch breaks. Though the last 2 weeks have been challenging due to heat and humidity, I can honestly say that I value exercise and continue to make it a priority. It dawned on me today that this habit started with the fast goal of 10 minutes of activity every day. It seemed so simple at the time that I doubted that it could really make much difference or contribute much to my weight loss at the time but I was so wrong. The little victory of checking off that goal, no matter how small, was motivating and kept me going. It truly was a key to my success.
Thus, those tiny but consistent goals will be key for me once again. I have been so hard on myself the last few days and that is definitely not going to result in positive changes for me. I've decided it's time for me to ease up and simply start over and this time, I won't have to wonder if those tiny, questionable fast goals are going to have any impact because I already know that the rewards from them will be HUGE!!