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Have a cookie it will make you feel better!

Saturday, August 13, 2016

I reverted back to old habits this week. If you do not recognize old habits how can you possibly change them? Ok. the is truth. My mom never gave me a cookie when I was hurting. My mom always watched what she ate. It was hard to keep cookies and such in the house with 3 older brothers and a budget to adhere to. So I really did not start self soothing with food until I was an adult. I did not feel good this week and immediately I was self soothing.
I had a bout of vertigo this week and before I knew what was happening I was eating. I have been low carbing since March. I did not eat bread. It started with a margarita and chips and salsa. Geez. I know I had been feeling dizzy why have a drink. I gave into a moment with my best friend and our daughters. I went home and cooked dinner and ate healthy and drank water the rest of the night. I lived. I went for a boat ride, enjoyed family and was back on track. A little wobbly and unsteady with the vertigo and boating, but none the less I enjoyed life. Remember a cheat is ok if I own it and I move on.
I struggled on Sunday with my eating. Did not feel good until 3 ish. Made a good dinner and felt well enough to watch a small tribe of children on Monday. The weather has been hot. So I struggled with the heat all week. My house is not AC d but I do run one in the toyrooms so the kids do not get overheated. Monday night I made dinner but I was not hungry. So I made dinner for my husband and I opted for an atkin shake. I got so sick. It is a bad batch of shakes. Every time I had one of these shakes I would get a reaction but did not put it together until this night that it was the shake that made me ill. Oh did it make me ill. I had severe stomach pains and was vomiting the works. I actually called the company and informed them so that no one else would experience the same reaction that I had. So with my stomach MESSED UP I just did not feel like being the best at eating. I got my hands on some tootsie rolls the next day. A lot of beating myself up for poor food decisions this week including eating the 2 crab rangoons and eggroll last night.
Here it is. "I forgive myself' Not loud enough " I FORGIVE MYSELF, I FORGIVE MYSELF , I FORGIVE MYSELF!!!!" The margarita salsa and chips was a choice. I was not upset about that. Not feeling good and continuing to eat rotten all week did not cure me. It was a 3 lb gain. But there is a lot to be said for what I did not eat this week. I made homemade meatballs. I did not eat pasta. I ate salads. I drank water. I took it easy in the heat. I only gained 3 lbs and at the end of the day it could have been worse. I was so up tight and unkind to myself. It is done and today is a new day. My goal is to lose a lb this week. To drink my water and to tell myself everyday that I am beautiful and deserve to be healthy and happy.
Do you want a cookie? it will make you feel better? " NO!" I want to accept my weight gain. Learn from this experience that food does not need to be my go to for soothing my pains. Next time I will call a friend. Time to refocus on me. Five months of good decisions are not undone from one week of struggle. I have lost 43 lbs and I am very proud of that. Looking forward to saying I have lost 50!
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