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What's Wrong with America~that a PRACTICE is More IMPORTANT than a CHILD'S FEELINGS?

Monday, August 15, 2016

Note: This BLOG hit a nerve so emoticon warning ~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I hosted a birthday party for my young child @ our home yesterday. I sent out invitations 3 weeks to 1 month ahead of time that listed the RSVP ~Respond ,please~ it had BOTH my phone number AND my computer address.
There were 7 invitations for a total of 12 children,including my child. 2 people responded saying they could not come .~Understandable. However,one said she could and the 4 others NEVER bothered to respond.
NO ONE CAME.
WHAT IS WRONG with people??? I guess it is because of the HURT LOOK on my child 's FACE and the HURT FEELINGS INSIDE I KNOW he's feeling ,but tries not to show, that I feel the PAIN.
I am a Late in Life Mommy so the kids that my child plays with are TWO generations below me. In my day, you either said YES and were THERE~TRUE to your WORD~ OR You said NO, you were sorry you could not go,but you had the decency TO RESPOND.
THAT IS what REALLY IS WRONG WITH AMERICA TODAY! The children are NOT TAUGHT by their parents or ~excuse me !~ARE TAUGHT by their parents' BAD EXAMPLE of what to do!
I guess kids are more resilient . My DH and I took him to the movies to salvage the day and he said "Well, who needs the guests anyway?! We get all the cake,pizza, food, and party favor bags and what's inside them for ourselves!"
What is your response besides LIFE HAPPENS?! emoticon
An additional note: Since we moved here and have been here a year, we have learned that this state takes its LITTLE LEAGUE AND LEAGUE FOOTBALL sports SO seriously that the kids do NOT miss a PRACTICE on Saturdays or they do not play. I was told by some people in my Sunday School class that people are so poor they are looking for scholarships~at the AGE OF NINE???? These kids ~I know of ONE ~WANTED to go to the party,but I was told they HAD to make the PRACTICE or their child does NOT get to play football. WHAT IS AMERICA coming to when THE PRACTICE IS more Important THAN A CHILD'S FEELINGS????
I am so UPSET that I am eating all the party food ~there GOES the weight ! I 'd better go outside and exercise SOME MORE!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FLMOMX2
    Dear Betsy, I'm so sorry for your sweet son. Like you I am much older than my kids' friend's moms. Just the way it was, however, we were blessed with well-mannered kids in our homeschool group. Their parents were great and expected their kids to say please and thank you. My DD started in private school that I taught at for her first 3 years of schooling and those kids were spoilt. Before she started 3rd grade we decided to homeschool her and her brother and that was a blessing.

    Praying for you and DS.
    Vicky
    1498 days ago
  • KITTY_M
    I'm so sorry for your son. Wish him a big happy birthday from me! It's one thing to not be able to go but to not RSVP is just wrong. That happened to my brother once. His birthday is right after Christmas so having a birthday on his birthday just never worked out - people were always off with their families.

    As for the sports, it's not just where you are. There are fewer and fewer just for fun leagues and whole lot of full travel (as in PLANE), "serious" leagues that start even younger than 9.They're often quite expensive too so lower incomes can't even get their kids into these leagues and in the older leagues kids can't get on a team unless they were in the younger. I don't know when this trend started but I think it's a bad direction.
    1500 days ago
  • LIZZIE138
    I'm so sad for your little one. The current generation of parents are extremely different from parents of my gerneration. I don't understand how people can be so callous toward a child. And their children will be the same way or even worse, if that's even possible. You did your best to salvage the day for him. Give him a big happy birthday hug to him from me. emoticon
    1500 days ago
  • EMGERBER
    How very very sad. emoticon emoticon
    1500 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/17/2016 8:16:58 AM
  • JANIEWWJD
    Peope's actions or lack of actions truly baffles me at times! I Always taught my daughter that it is so easy to be good, and to never hurt people intentionally! It is up to the parents to raise good and respectful children! On another note: Happy Birthday to your baby!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1500 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/16/2016 9:45:35 PM
  • SURVIVOR61
    Betsy, I too apologize for the insensitivity of these mothers. I do know where you are coming from. My oldest sons birthday is on Christmas Eve and his second son's birthday as he is grown up now birthday is on December 26. So as you can imagine the horror of trying to have a birthday party in December for any child. Not only did I have the party on a different day and no one came, he also got a gift, no name, and the box was empty.

    To keep this from ever happening again to my child, I volunteered 2 babysit for those who wanted 2 go Christmas shopping early in December and I bought each kid a gift 2 give my son. I even invited his classmates 2 come. I also provide the transportation. So no one had any excuses not 2 come and I followed up with a phone call the day before.

    It is sad that this happens in this day and time but it does. I would also advise you 2 be on the watch for no valentines in his Valentine mailbox if they do that in school. As this too happened 2 one of my sons. To much of my horror the school board trying 2 remain diversive. mixed up 2 schools unfairly and my son's was one of them. He and another white boy were the only 2 white kids in a 28 student class of African American children. Neither boy received one Valentine card. Both boys came home very upset, When we the parents spoke to the principal about this, she had a non-chalant attitude about kids will be kids.

    We had 2 take the matter 2 the superintendent of the School 2 address the situation and the matter of them being the only 2 white children in the class room. It turned out that their class wasn't the only class with the segregation problem. It came out in the papers that it was a computer glitch. And most of the white kids were sent to another area. Even the Hispanic children were sent else where and the busing was over loaded.

    But parents now a days do not teach their children proper etiquette and manners. They themselves feel that they are above reproach and do not consider the feelings of a child important.

    My heart is absolutely broken for your son. Please email me your private email and or address as I would like 2 send him a card.

    Love always your sister in Christ Jesus
    Jill
    1501 days ago
  • WORKOUTWITHPAM
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your son. I am sorry about the party guests. The same thing happened to my friend when she had a party for her daughter. She felt so bad for her daughter who'd been looking forward to the party for weeks. When our children hurt, we hurt even worse for them. Glad that you went ahead and made the day very special for your son.
    HUGS
    Pam
    1501 days ago
  • 52BINCE
    That is definitely unfortunate what happened on your son's birthday but here's a thought and I see somebody else kind of touched on it before me:...... next year have your son choose one or two friends that can come over for a sleepover and make sure they are committed to coming and then you can plan something nice around that.
    The other thing is did you say these kids did RSVP and said they were coming?.... Because if there was no response to the RSVP then that was a clue that they were not coming...... it would've been politean and the right thing to do to let you know they could not come but they didn't do anything so it's just a red flag.
    I'm sure next year can be very different and favorable though ...
    1501 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/15/2016 10:17:35 PM
  • IAMSUNNYHOWARD
    That is horrible! I can only imagine how disappointed your son was. OK- hands off the snacks. Is there a senior center, or food shelter that you could share the love with? I know it is harder because you are home schooling, but I would encourage him to get his gang- to develop friends with kids his age! I am sure parents are part of this- so seek else where. Hang in there and take him out for a special treat. We never had birthday parties, I worked so it was too much work. I would let them have sleep overs with their buds ( Limit 3 please). Of course I always made a small cake- but we focused on what we were grateful for. I didn't want my kids to think it was all about presents. Fortunately my daughter- mother of 5 - has adopted the same attitude. Her three boys all share the same birthday, so they get to pick one friend for overnight.
    1501 days ago
  • MAYIE53
    So very sorry to hear what happened to your son. I guess I am more jaded than most because I am not really all that surprised. Had my daughter at 40 and by the time she'd reached school age I realized that her peers and their parents weren't people I cared to have as part of our social network. Always made the birthday a special day just not a big party event. I think you handled the disappointing event remarkably well. Kudos to you both and to your lovely son for looking to the positives.
    1501 days ago
  • 2BDYNAMIC
    Betsy .......I am SO sorry for you and your precious child ......... this was plain WRONG and insensitive ..... I actually FEEL the pain you and your Son must have felt ......... I am not sure what the answer is ..... It seems our society has taken the downward spiral ......... to ...... well ...... when we constantly see police shot and murdered as if they are just garbage and the protestors are allowed to "Vent" ............. (We would have been slapped sideways growing up if we showed such disrespect and disregard for human life .... as we SHOULD have been!! We were raised with decency, and morals ....... and never to blow up cars, destroy businesses, and plain KILL because certain peeps think "their lives matter" but the Hell with others!!! I am Blank Mad over this and fume every time I see such crap happening; all the while the "President" was shown on the golf course!!! But then you dn't want to get me started ............ Again, it all seems to have a 'trickle down' effect .... all the way from the white house to OUR house!!! ........ Oh yes, yesterday I saw where a 13 year old boy left his note before he committed suicide as he could not take the bullying any longer!! ........... emoticon emoticon MY GOD!!!!! WHERE DOES IT STOP or does it???!!!! ........... Does anyone care any more? .......... Well Betsy, I guess this hit a nerve!!! .... emoticon
    1502 days ago
  • MCJULIEO
    Such a shame..... but, happy birthday to your Sweetie... I know that you had a much better time without the outsiders....
    1502 days ago
  • ICECUB
    I AM SO SORRY THAT HAPPEN. SO THOUGHTLESS AND RUDE.
    1502 days ago
  • HICKOK-HALEY
    That is sad no one came to your Son's bd party, but you handled it with grace. Just make sure he knows he is loved, and a important person in society. He will be fine.
    Most parents are in their own little world, and have been for years I'm afraid. My DD had a small birthday party when she was in high school. Only 1 kid, her best friend, brought a gift. I thought it was a bit odd, but Kathryn didn't mind a bit. She looked at it as "but my friends are here, and we are having a good time". So I didn't say a word to her about the party. When Kathryn went to a party, she always took a gift. It didn't have to be expensive, but thoughtful. "Thoughtfulness" seems to be out these days.
    emoticon

    1502 days ago
  • DUSTYPRAIRIE
    PS. folks aren't taught social graces anymore.
    1502 days ago
  • DUSTYPRAIRIE
    I am hurting with you. I don't have an answer.

    Life lessons are sometimes so dang hard.


    1502 days ago
  • SMILINGEYES2
    How sad. My heart aches for your ds as well as for you. Lots of planning and time go into a birthday party. Perhaps the parents needed a reminder. Back to school time can be hectic.
    1502 days ago
  • DETERMINEDJANET
    I would feel the same way. So nice your kiddo picked up the positives of the day, but I'm sure he was disappointed at first. Hugs!
    1502 days ago
  • SEAJESS
    emoticon I imagine you're a whirlwind of anger, hurting and sadness. You seem to be on to something when you say the values are different today. My younger brother had his children when he was grandparent age and he's raising them to be special little snowflakes. They get HUGE birthday parties, "rent the skating rink" events, eat out regularly, have all the sports team clothing, a monthly "toy allowance" of several hundred dollars... always expect (and get) big gifts.

    They have never said "thank you", let alone written a thank you note. They are age 8 and 10. My parents sat us down to write thank you notes after every receipt of a gift. It wasn't that grueling and came to be enjoyable. Now... not even an email.

    I've been telling myself I'm a grumpy old dino and to let it go but your blog made me realize how much I miss basic consideration and acknowledgment as cultural values. Youngsters three abreast on the sidewalk, making olds step into the street.

    I hadn't heard that the RSVP had died out as well. That is just so unbelievably rude.

    I know all we can change is ourselves, if that, but yikes, posts like yours make me want to reach into people's brains and rearrange them.

    SO sorry this happened to you.


    1502 days ago
  • SUSANSKI
    We can shower him with a card party. :)

    A neighbor of mine ( a man who is about 10 years older than myself) had this happen to HIM when HE was a boy. To this day, he can't stand his birthday. I would tell his wife to pass on a 'happy birthday' to him from us, and she would just say, "Ohhhh he doesn't celebrate his birthday. He's scarred from his childhood."
    So yeah, this kind of stuff hurts.
    You did the best you could to salvage it, though.
    I would be crushed, myself.
    Something KINDA like that happened to me when I was around 21. I worked at a daycare and all the teachers were always going around on other teachers' birthdays and making cards, or signs. And I always went out of my way to do something nice for THEM on THEIR b-day. When MY turn came around, NO ONE did a THING for ME.
    Even though I SHOULD HAVE BEEN mature enough to not care, I went home and had a good cry.
    My problem is, I think everyone else should have the same level of 'caring' as I do, and when they DON'T, I get my heart broke.
    Not pleasant.
    emoticon
    1502 days ago
  • MASTERPIECE8
    Breaks my heart for him, you and your DH. I think you did the right thing. You and your husband made it a special day for the 3 of you.

    I don't understand the no response. It's rude. It's inconsiderate and hurtful. emoticon
    1502 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I agree with Banana. Kids usually show up for destination parties but the large ones my son went to were often horrible. Some of the children were unruly and rude. Their parents dumped them and didn't pick them up on time. Cheap babysitting service. We usually let our son invite a close friend and planned something special.
    1502 days ago
  • JACKIEWALKS4FUN
    emoticon So sorry!! I have a hard time understanding things now too, everything has changed so much. I agree with you too, kids are not taught right. Makes it harder for us as parents too, we try to teach our children to do what is right and these things happen. Been a long time since I had parties, but I did see one recently around here, I thought it was so strange because kids were walking around with their cell phones and not talking at all. Different world:(
    Really makes me so sad. I am glad you and hubby took your son out. What a trooper, I loved what he said, a sweet son you have there, shows you are doing a great job with him. I would just like to come over there and hug you all. emoticon

    1502 days ago
  • 50YEARSAWIFE
    So many young parents think they have to have a "destination" Birthday party with swimming or a fun plex. Whatever happened to cake and ice cream and simple games? My heart aches for you son. Tell him Happy Birthday!
    1502 days ago
  • CATNURSE1
    My daughter is going through the same anxiety for a different reason. She won a neon bowling party, and is waiting for school to start (today) to ask kids to come. Her biggest concern? I don't text, I don't have texting and that is how most people respond today. I told her to just ask, tell them when it is, and say "I hope you can come". I know she's gone to a few parties where not many kids showed up, and she felt bad for the host family. I told her that if no one showed up, we would still have a good time. I think you and your hubby did the right thing by taking him to the movies. I don't know what to say about the insensitive parents of other kids. "An eye for an eye" comes to mind, but that is not fair to our kids.

    I, too, am an "older" mother, being 37 when my youngest was born. I remember picking her up from elementary school a few years back, telling me that one of her classmates had a birthday that day and turned 8. He shared the birthday with his mom who turned 22. Yikes. I looked at her the next time we were in the classroom, thinking she has a long way to grow up.

    Happy birthday to your young one. Mine was Saturday (the 13th). Leos are awesome!
    1502 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16484512
    Great idea BananasLouie7! Smart! emoticon
    1502 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16484512
    That's a sad state of some people's way of life. emoticon I'm frustrated too with people in each generation in my life about keeping relationships. If you're doing everything to nurture relationships and others don't make the effort..I say drop them if there isn't a reasonable excuse for their no show. My friends are sending out evite, as "online" might be preferred communication. http://www.evite.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQj
    w0MW9BRDxtYTn2_S699MBEiQAw33y40
    KwM1c1eQctYeK_oWgDXACdZSHpvLPf7
    KpJ-UyE378aAs7G8P8HAQ You're right, to bounce back! Maybe taking 1 or 2 kids to fun day emoticon of lunch out, with their mom's emoticon might be an option. Get to know them too. emoticon
    1502 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/15/2016 3:45:43 AM
  • BANANASLOUIE7
    That is unfortunate. Next year, have the "party" at school. Bring in cupcakes, etc. for everybody in the class and have the party at home for just him (perhaps some relatives, too).
    1502 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    Oh goodness. How horrible. I'm sorry for your little one. People are so inconsiderate. I hope you salvaged the day enough to have a good day. I had my little girl at 34 and understand how it feels feeling out of place around other parents.
    1502 days ago
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