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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Yesterday was a big day for me emotionally. I signed the consent forms at school for my son to be evaluated due to behavior issues we have been working on the last few years. It was a big moment, finally reaching that point. I am relieved to know that he is going to receive the extra help he needs at school, to hopefully learn aome new tools myself so that I can be a better mother and help him help himself more. I am so thankful for the amazing staff at his school and how much they really love and care about his future. In light of all that it was a little bittersweet, leaving me a little sad that he needs these extra measures to excel. I think that sadness comes from a lot of guilt at not being a good enough parent to help him. A little more than a year ago I sort of hit rock bottom and stayed there a while... wallowing in self pity at the state of my life, my marriage, my failures. And I've lived there. Amd yesterday kind of woke me up to the fact that I have been disengaged and it's hurting my kids. Maybe things wouldn't be any different with him at school if I hadn't gotten so apathetic, but maybe they would have. I can't know for sure, but what I do know is that my children will suffer if I remain in my sad hole. A few months ago I started making little changes and started making the climb. I'm moving again, even though its been slow. My husband isn't happy with my progress, and I'm struggling at dealing with his almost constand criticism anddisappointment. Regardless, I'm going ro keep trying. And i wont stop until I can find joy again. For my sake, for my children's sake. I'm gonna keep moving and keep climbing. No matter how much some days I feel like giving up.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD9556574
    The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
    1534 days ago
  • 97MONTY
    Take it one day at a time, keep pushing forward
    1535 days ago
    It's harder when those closest to you weigh you down instead of being your biggest cheerleaders. Don't let them push you back down into the hole. Keep climbing up, taking one day - even one moment at a time. What I'm realizing more and more is that time is a gift. All the fresh starts - they don't have to wait until tomorrow or New Year's. Every day, every hour and every minute is an opportunity to change or progress closer to our goals. Hang in there!
    1548 days ago
    If you are moving forward then you are a success, sounds like you are doing all that you can, keep it up!
    1549 days ago
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