Friday, September 23, 2016
I'm alive! I can move now and find clothes that fit me without a lot of complications. I can walk without a cane, go to the dog park and throw the dog his ball, go through the mall with my daughter and look at wedding dresses, and even look forward to parking at the other end of parking lot. I eat whole foods now, stay away from sugars, white flours and rices, and processed foods or boxes that have ingredients no one ever heard of. Nine months ago I was told that losing weight would help my joints and pain, but that the scar tissue in my legs and knees from my accident would prevent me from ever walking normal again, most likely confining me to a wheel chair; that I simply needed to realize that I would be physically impaired and needed to accept my limitations. Prednisone was once again put on the table as an option, along with advice to go on SSI with the advantage of obtaining a handicap tag for my vehicle. I didn't take the handicapped tag and never went to the SSI office. Instead I wandered out of the office feeling sort of dazed and finished up my exams for my classes that day. I wasn't even 60 yet and it just didn't seem fair. Just going to my car was a chore in itself. I thought "What was the point of graduating if I only was going to go on SSI anyway". Then I thought about how I had felt when they had told me I would be lucky to make it another year because I was in my third stages of Lupus, and how my friend and I had holistically discovered a way to go into remission 13 months later. I remembered my small stroke and how it affected my speech and ability to walk; and again how exercise and holistic foods brought me back to normality. Seventeen years later still going strong, but now with something different, but almost as disheartening. Why not go back to Sparks and try again, I thought? I looked up every Sparks video that could strengthen all the breaks and parts of my legs that had blood clots, just so they would have strength again. Working them everyday, along with holistic supplementation and clean whole foods I put away my cane, have lost 95 pounds and regained the freedom to walk. I have discovered a new outlook on my life. I don't any longer look for ways to avoid my pain. I set forth to discover it and all of its sources so that I can work them and repair them. I relish every spark of pain I feel when I walk to the bank instead of drive, lift weights or exercise instead of sit as comfortably as possible for unending hours of hopelessness. I actually look forward to going out in the sun so I can soak up as many of its' vitamins that I can; as I couldn't before due to the effects of my Lupus and the condition I had let myself befall. I have fun watching as my pounds become less and my body can move more pounds in the gym and swim more laps each day. For every pain that sears through my body I sense a spark of hope and freedom as I walk independently of any apparatus. When my knees are strong I can actually jog again, and when they aren't I swim and strengthen them on the machines or walk the stairs. My upper body is gaining strength with weight presses and my shoulder is getting stronger with strength exercises my gym trainer shows me. I am back to swimming up to 18 to 20 laps a day as I did in Hawaii when I was young. I chose a job that was physically taxing during my recovery phase, in hopes of it adding to my physical progress. On my break one day, I decided to walk instead of accept a ride to the bank; when I saw a squirrel climbing a tree with great zest. I spoke to it while it stopped what it was doing; so that it appeared to be listening. I told it "I'm with you buddy, feeling the sun, the breeze behind my back, and the ground beneath my feet. Every pain I feel is an expression of my freedom and independence from what once seemed an impossible situation. You go buddy, enjoy your natural foods, family, and life. Don't ever give up!" He paused a second, then ran up further in the tree in search of whatever was in store for his future. That day I felt as one with nature, euphoric at the sight of my destination ahead for me and those that I loved. There are many factors in our life we just can't control out there, but giving up can not ever be an option. These obstacles are our lessons teaching us endurance and appreciation for life. We must seek out solutions and push past them. This is our freedom.