Losing motivation quickly
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
I always start these diets so fast and get into them gung ho!!! I am going to do it this time! I am going to lose it all so quick no one will recognize me when I go up home for the holidays, they'll think I had plastic surgery. I wish.... I wish I could afford plastic surgery. I wish that when I was actually at my thinnest calling myself fat that I could have seen what I would look like after losing one child...manic depression...a failed marriage and then a successful pregnancy ending in a c section. I wish I knew then what I am trying to learn now. To be happy with myself and the rest will come. Words that are so easily written and all to often spoken and yet my mind...better yet my heart doesn't seem to be able to grasp on to those words and believe them hold them true. My life has changed so drastically in the last two years...I now have a miracle and I call him my son...I have found the one whom my soul loves and hope someday to be worthy to call myself his wife...but there in itself lies the problem...I don't find myself worthy. Never have. He thinks I am worthy he loves me full heartedly and tells me so every day and even more he shows me everyday. I am a stay at home mom because he feels it is more important that our son be raised by us than a daycare and have money. He wants me to love myself so when I am failing at working out and he sees how much it hurts he offers to workout with me. And still I don't feel worthy. I don't feel the beauty that he sees and says...I don't feel his admiration of the work that I do even though he tells me all the time how awesome of a woman I am. I feel like a failure all the time.