Wednesday, September 28, 2016
For a long time...longer than I can remember I think I have aloud other people's needs and wants to go above and beyond my own. As I have become a mother I feel those needs and wants coming later and later and my things getting farther away. My one year old does not understand that I am fat...he just knows that I am his mother and I take care of him. He doesn't understand that missing a workout today makes it a harder tomorrow He understands that he is awake and he wants to play right now!! He wants to do his things with his mom...its his time right now!!! My boyfriend whom I love very much is a great man but he does not know or understand what it is like to be obese. He just knows he never wants to be big so he eats whatever he wants and because he has a physically demanding job. I am a stay at home mom who has no schedule to keep other than the one that I keep on my own. I have a mood disorder and some days a schedule goes out of the window. I was able to quit smoking and it seemed so easy...dieting and exercising seem to be so hard and kick my butt. I know there is a huge difference between the two smoking is a daily...hourly choice. Eating however is essential exercising is not so essential which is kind of a shame. However at this point in my life weight loss is no longer an option...I am not so big that I am not healthy(at this point in my life) I am not so big that I am not able to exercise or even keep up with my son. I am I can walk for miles and kayak for hours...hiking not a problem...my love for food and sweets is my downfall. But they're not as important as being an embarrassment to my son and my boyfriend and further more to myself. My son's fears are none...he is one. My boyfriend's fear is that I'll get to a healthy weight and it still won't be good enough. My fear is I'll keep giving up and just get bigger and bigger.