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Why I Started and Why I Will Not Give Up.

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Monday, October 03, 2016

I am going to take the time to share why I started to go on a weight loss journey and why I keep moving forward.
In 2011 I lost my job. I was so devastated that I began to really search my soul to see what needed changing to answer the questions of why I was suffering and what can I do to prevent it from happening again. The pain was so deep and the lack of understanding from health specialist was also depressing. So going through this caused me to search for answers everywhere. I prayed, watched religious TV., talked to therapist, and read books. In response I really felt that one of the many answers I was given was use this time off from work to lose weight. I had to admit that I felt shame for being out of shape. This was affecting how I interacted with others.
There were other things that I needed to change to prevent losing another job, like doing my best to be on time for one example. Little bits of chips off of my shoulder and chunks of heart are removed when one is not doing the best that they can and being honest about what that is.
It took a while to go from thinking toward actually doing something about my weight. I put forth lots of effort to attack my weight. (How do you attack weight without attacking yourself?) While watching preachers on TV., and talking to therapist, I learned that I was negative toward myself. I learned that grace means acceptance. I learned that I do not have to deserve confidence to have it. I do not have to be free from fat to get rid of the shame. I have to love myself, love others, and accept things NOW!

Needless to say I went from a weight loss journey to a changing lifestyle journey. Now, being healthy is my goal. I also am not worried about how that looks on me or on others. Yes, others, I did not realize that by judging myself so harshly that I was inadvertently judging others. I have learned to not just accept myself but others too. It is an individual journey with whatever works for each individual.

It took a long time (in my opinion) to start acting on all these bits of wisdom. I started to replace the missing chunks of soul and chips from my shoulder with focusing on being obedient to wisdom. Whatever small ball of enlightenment I had, to roll with it. Keep rolling until I can't no more. Since I believe every soul has gifts given by God, I believe that I should keep trying to increase or use those gifts until I can't. It is never too late. No matter how old or how tarnished my life is, I am still breathing which means I have another chance to grow, become better in myself, and make the world a better place besides. Never give up.
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