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HUNGRYMUMMY
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Teetering on the brink of success

Saturday, October 08, 2016

Today's weigh in got me to a very important number. It's not a nice round number weight, and it isn't a nice number of pounds lost--I already celebrated 50 lbs with Spark people, and 75 lbs over all (a bit of that was before Spark people). Nope, for my height (short), 163 is the dividing line between obese and overweight.

I set my big goal (not the smaller 5% type goals) at 160 because it was the nice round number just under that obese/overweight line, a number I was sure I could live with, and a number I hadn't seen in at least 25 years. It was so far away that I was sure it would be quite clear what my next goal would be by the time I got this close: lose more? Get below the overweight line? Hold steady at 160 and practice maintenance? Now that I only have 3 pounds to go to the big goal, I still don't know what I want to do. It's not clear at all.

The longer I do this, the more I agree with Dean Anderson (a fitness and behavoir expert here at Spark People) when he says that weight loss is mostly mental. Sure, exercise helps, and what you eat is critical, but the way you choose both of those things is mental and emotional. More important, the way you KEEP choosing the healthier foods and activities, without tipping into obsession and perfectionism, is all mental/emotional.

The big scary thing for me is that only 5% of people who lose significant amounts of weight keep it off long term. My 75 pounds is significant not just to me for appearance, but from a health standpoint. It's critical to my health to keep the weight off, and even more importantly, I owe it to everyone who cheered me on, and has listened to my tales of woe, to keep it off. They have invested in me more than I had any right to expect, and in some cases (especially my children) more than anyone might believe.

OK, I'll just admit it, I'm terrified. My Dr. said losing anything over 30 pounds was just an excellent bonus, but if I demand a final goal I'm sure I'll get one. The path I'm more interested in taking is the practice maintenance for a while while I decide how much more I want/need to lose. I'd like to get the image that I have in my head of what I look like and how much space I take up to catch up with reality. I keep being surprised that I fit into smaller spaces, and that people treat me more respectfully. And to be totally honest, while I'm pretty proud of my "bat wings" and droopy belly skin/flab (it took a lot of work to get those!), the idea of making them worse, is, well, not a priority. Maybe I'm just tired of all the work and tracking though, and it's laziness talking?

Also, I have no idea what maintenance involves, and if the habits and attitudes I have developed are anywhere near the required behaviors to be in that elite 5%. I don't know what it takes to maintain this (admittedly largish) size.

Still, I know how to lose weight, finally, so it make sense to continue doing what I've finally gotten the hang of, and it would simply slow down and then stop at a certain level, at which point I should reach a natural equilibrium...right? Automatic maintenance?

All I know is that I really should be enjoying my successes, and losing those last 3 pounds should be a joy. Instead I'm full of angst and fear and indecision.

Suggestions?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NUTSABOUTMINIS
    Connie, I am so proud of you! You are doing great. I agree with the others. Try not tracking but still being mindful of what you eat and how you feel. Weighing frequently would be good to show you if you are slipping up. I know you can do it!
    1209 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15542977
    emoticon that is a very important line.... you can do it! emoticon
    1230 days ago
  • HUNGRYMUMMY
    Oh my word! All my issues come down to tracking! Just the thought of reducing or quitting tracking was AMAZINGLY freeing. The fear of not knowing how to do this on my own can be dealt with--stop tracking and see what happens. I've been considering cooking such a huge chore because I have to measure everything so that it is accurately recorded. For a seat-of-your-pants "creative" cook, this has been quite a trial, and takes more time than I really want to give it. After all, exercise is a time commitment as well.
    If I haven't learned about calories and carbs in the last 6 months, a simple weight check every day will tell me I'm going wrong and need to get back to it. If I have learned, and formed the good habits I want, I should keep drifting down until I either need to get stricter or I'm happy with whatever weight I end up. Oohhh Cupcakes! It may not have been your intention, but you've set me on a new and very exciting path! THANK YOU! And don't worry, if I have to go back to measuring and tracking every bite, well, it's because I didn't learn what I was supposed to learn, or I wasn't ready, not because you suggested it. I'm so excited! Thank you thank you!
    1230 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15597073
    Congrats on your success! I say switch your tracker to maintenance when you're ready and see how it goes. You don't have to necessarily track every day (it does get tedious), but weigh often so you can tweak your calories as needed. You're doing so amazing!
    1231 days ago
  • JRDUPREE
    Congrats on being so close to your goal. emoticon


    1231 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.