I think these two images (I hope they show up) are probably two of my personal motivators. It seems in my life when things get hard it is so easy to get up and run away. It is much harder to stay and work things out and to see what is going to be the outcome, no matter what the consequence may be. So the first quote, "I want to see what happens if I don't give up." hits me so close to home. Because I really do want to see what happens when I continue to work on myself. I am slowly but surely starting to see where this journey of self discovery is taking me.
When I first started I thought that a number was going to be what I needed. I thought that number was going to be the see all know all and be all, of what I needed. I now see that I was wrong. Its just a number...and like most numbers it is important, but not the only important thing. It is important to have goals. It is important to keep goals and maintain them, but it is also very important to remember to keep them realistic. When I first started, my goal was to be skinny and have a skinny body. I wanted to go from being 5'9" and 250 pounds to being 5'9" and 140 pounds. That would be okay if I were ever on the side of being that skinny. That goal is unrealistic. I would look so unhealthy at that weight range people would be throwing food at me and begging me to eat. I have realized that although the government standard says that I can get that low, my body knows that no matter what I do, I will never be that small (and healthy). When I was in the military, I was in the prime of my life and worked out everyday. Multiple times a day. The best weight I ever got to was 167. The military had me on all kinds of diets and workout regiments. But the truth was no matter what I did I was never going to be in their neat little 145 pound box. I have a big bone structure. My boyfriend who is also outside of regulation for his height will never fit into his box, and he looks like an Ethiopian baby. He is 6'1" and weighs in at 164 pounds.
I feel as a woman who needs to be curvy and va va va voom for her man...my new goal is 160. That will be a 90 pound loss for me and I feel will be a good loss. But my ultimate goal, and I'll be happy no matter if the scale never moves is just to lose my C-section pouch. I love my son, and I love the scar, but the pouch...and the dunlap disease...they have got to go!!! In case you didn't know, dunlap disease is a condition where your stomach dun lap your jeans!!! LOL So funny, and yet truly just not funny at all.
So today I also had a blog post about my weight and my measurements and the off scale victories being so much better than the on scale ones....I have one more. My goal. The only goal I've really had off scale was to be into a size 17 pants that I got from the salvation army a few months ago for motivation, by Thanksgiving. I didn't think I was going to make it. I mean I just started fitting into my size 18-20 jeans and being comfortable. With 3 weeks left to go this seemed so unreal. My boyfriend looks at me and says I think you can do it. What is the issue. I said I'll try them on and I'll show you. I did and guess what?!? They fit!!! Not perfect, and I had to lie on the bed to button them, but they fit!!! I Consider that a victory. They now fit like the previous pants fit 3 months ago. I should probably add that I am a stay at home mom and I live in yoga pants. My boyfriend took me out to celebrate my loss and I wore my new pants with a control top and I looked and felt amazing!!!
Now its time to go buy one pair of size 16 and hope that I can fit in them by February 2017!!!
As for the second image: "It takes 4 weeks, for you to notice a change. 8 weeks for friends and family to notice a change. 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice a change. But only 1 day to decide that you are enough."
I find this to be true and false all at the same time. When I was doing this journey for 4 weeks. I didn't notice a change....to be honest at 3 months I am still not really noticing a change. I have too look really hard to see where my changes are. My boyfriend too needs to be reminded. He says I am just beautiful no matter what size, and is actually complaining I might lose my booty!!! (men!!) But the 1 day part I find to be completely true!!! I feel like the times when I do the best is when I feel like I'm worth the best. It has been a long time since I have tried to put myself first. It has been a long time since I felt like I was worth fighting for. I knew there was always a skinny me inside, but to be honest I don't often feel that big. Until I look at myself in pictures or when I stand next to someone who is half my height and half my size.
But to figure out that you are worth doing this journey for, rather you succeed or you don't. Just figure out who it is that you want to be, and I think that after you do and you decide that you are enough and you are worth it...I feel like the rest will fall into place. Don't get me wrong, it is still going to be difficult, it is still going to hurt...it is still probably going to make you cry every once in a while....but in the end when the journey meets the destination and you discover what you have been looking for the whole time...I'd like to think all the pain and suffering...the cravings and desperation...the will power, the loss of control. It will all be for something. I think it is so important to love yourself and be love, so that others can love you and be there for you.
Well that was plenty long and so drawn out... this is why I post on my phone instead of a laptop!!! LOL Thank you for reading!!! I really appreciate it and I hope if you are having a rough day and just don't feel like your worth it that you'll see these 2 pictures and maybe they will give you the extra strength to push just a little further. I know I'm worth it...I know your worth it!!! Do you?