Day 2 - A setback and a helping hand.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
I went into the gym last night determined to find my mojo. Instead, I pushed a little too hard, got a little too cocky and made a bad decision to try to do pistol squats on the TRX bands. Which are not good if you have a bum knee, which I do. I just wanted to keep up with everyone else that was doing pistol squats. About 6 squats in, I felt a pain in my knee. I tried walking it off but it persisted and I could feel the heat rising in my face. I started putting my weights away and I fought back tears when the trainer came over to see what was going on. He was going to suggest a few modifications for me, and I told him I was leaving.
I didn't want to cry right in front of everyone.
I grabbed my jacket and just about left when I saw the manager in his office and I went in and took a seat instead. He patiently waited for a break in the tears so I could explain why I was sitting there. I injured my knee, I'm panicking, I don't want to be out of commission for six months. He isn't a specialist in knees but he's had some experience he tells me. He asks a few questions about where the pain is at, there's no sharp pain just a dull ache. He moves it all around and then says that he doesn't feel like I have pulled anything or damaged anything. There would be a sharp pain in that case. I probably irritated it when I did the pistol squats and he wanted to check my form on my normal squats. He made some adjustments.
I kept apologizing for the tears, I couldn't help it. I was panicking, thinking that I had really messed it up again. I told him I used to be a runner and I hurt my knee somehow, and I really hadn't been able to enjoy running ever since that happened. He said he had been in the same situation. Runner, got injured, put on weight, lost his confidence, started lifting weights and it was a total uphill battle since he had no confidence and he was scared of getting injured again. Yes, that is exactly it, I said. The tears and the panic were confirming there is a serious problem of fear for me, too. As soon as he said it, I knew that was the case. It was putting a name on an emotion that I had been feeling but didn't know how to verbalize.
He told me to go home and ice it. Skip tomorrow's workout since it was a high impact one. Then come back on Friday and make a few adjustments. That he would work out with me and watch my form. He said it takes a long time to get that confidence back but they would be there with me the whole way.
And then he gave me a hug.
Like seriously, is this guy for real? What a perfect guy to be running a gym. I cried some more on the way home but I feel like I'm in the right place, doing the right work and that progress is going to be possible, even if it's going to be slower than I had hoped for.
My knee is still aching a bit today, but it does just feel a bit sore and I know that he was right, I didn't injure it, I just over did it -- probably with some really terrible form on those pistol squats.
But I will go back tomorrow, and I'll get through it.