Time for the monthly recap. Has it only been a month? It feels like much longer than that!
I lost 2 lbs. this week, but only 5# for the month. Last month I lost 10#'s, I was kind of hoping to see that number again. But I will accept and be grateful for the 5. It is still going in the right direction!
I finished the paperwork to finalize the divorce. Since we both agreed, and have spent a lot of time talking about the details, we are able to do this without the additional expense of attorney fees. I was going to file the paperwork with the court on Tuesday, but it didn't happen. My mind set was to have it filed by the 30th of November.
I had to get my head in the right place. I was angry, hurt and feeling like life wasn't fair. Maybe it wasn't, but that is the way it is sometimes. I signed up with a website called Brave Girls. I love their messages. The following was the message this morning:
Almost nothing feels worse than carrying one around. They have a bitter taste and bring a stinging pain.
It's a heavy load that no one else can see, but it clings to us and demands to be carried....until we finally decide to put it down and walk on, leaving it behind.
But leaving behind a grudge means forgiveness, and forgiveness is often resisted because it is misunderstood. Often we don't forgive because we feel like whatever or whoever we are forgiving does not 'deserve' our forgiveness.
Beautiful soul, it is not about the who or the what. It is about YOU and YOUR soul and how your back aches and your soul aches from carrying that yuckiness around with you everywhere.
In no way does forgiveness ever mean that a wrong thing is okay. It means you are no longer giving it the power to hurt you.
Forgiveness requires a bit of grieving and accepting the loss of what we may have hoped could be but wasn't, and isn't, and maybe can never be. Forgiveness lets us create a proper, dignified burial of the hope that we had in some sort of tidy resolution, a clean ending that will never come, and lets us finally say goodbye to it.
Today is a great day to bravely let it go. Say goodbye to it and let it go.
I can't carry the burden of a failed marriage forward into my life. I can't let it make me a lesser person. I can't let it distort the future.
What I can do it love myself, and accept that my life is changing. I need to step out into the world, make new friendships, in the real world. I am going to a brunch Sunday with a group called Sasscee Girls. That is a good start.
I am so thankful for my Spark family. Your words of wisdom, encouragement and prayers have been so wonderful.
I am thankful for my new fur buddy Ringo. He helps me step out of myself. He is such a good boy, but I need to care for him. I need to get up a 6 am and take him for a walk so he can do his duty. I need to feed him breakfast, and make my own. This new responsibility is not something I can procrastinate on.
Tuesday I was supposed to go to the Dr. for my post surgery follow up. Well the universe had a different idea, and I ended up sitting at the tire store for a couple of hours. Of course Ringo went with me. He was amazing! We went to the waiting area, and he lay down under the chair and snoozed, occasionally pushing his head into my hands to let me know he was still there.
I had an appointment Monday at 3 pm and tried to leave Ringo in the apartment. When I returned an hour later, I came home to a very upset dog. I could hear him barking as I approached the apartment. I hadn't heard him bark, and believe me I am sure everyone else heard it too. When I opened the door he grabbed my leg with his front paws and started crying and whining like a baby. I got him settled down, and he hasn't been more than 6 inches away since then. I think it was too soon for him to be left alone. I felt so bad for him. He messed and was very sheepish about that. I just cleaned it up , can't fault him for that at all.
I will work on leaving him unattended, but will start with fifteen minutes at a time. Today, as I do laundry etc would be a good way to start.
In the meantime, I don't have a problem taking him with me. He is well behaved, but I will check ahead to see if others have a problem. I really need to get to the beauty shop. Plan B will be doggy day care. I don't want to crate him if I don't have to, and I will not leave him in the car.
So December is upon us. I have a few decorations to put up. I am thinking of doing some sort of Holiday get together with the few neighbors I know. If the weather warms up, I would like to do it outside so their animals can come too. I am going to do a wall tree- using some green ribbon to make the shape of the tree and display the few ornaments I have.
Everyone have a beautiful day, whether is is sunny, rainy or snowy. Just like Pooh said "Today is my favorite day!"