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Nov 30th Recap

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Time for the monthly recap. Has it only been a month? It feels like much longer than that!

I lost 2 lbs. this week, but only 5# for the month. Last month I lost 10#'s, I was kind of hoping to see that number again. But I will accept and be grateful for the 5. It is still going in the right direction!

I finished the paperwork to finalize the divorce. Since we both agreed, and have spent a lot of time talking about the details, we are able to do this without the additional expense of attorney fees. I was going to file the paperwork with the court on Tuesday, but it didn't happen. My mind set was to have it filed by the 30th of November.

I had to get my head in the right place. I was angry, hurt and feeling like life wasn't fair. Maybe it wasn't, but that is the way it is sometimes. I signed up with a website called Brave Girls. I love their messages. The following was the message this morning:

Grudges. Ugh.

Almost nothing feels worse than carrying one around. They have a bitter taste and bring a stinging pain.

It's a heavy load that no one else can see, but it clings to us and demands to be carried....until we finally decide to put it down and walk on, leaving it behind.

But leaving behind a grudge means forgiveness, and forgiveness is often resisted because it is misunderstood. Often we don't forgive because we feel like whatever or whoever we are forgiving does not 'deserve' our forgiveness.

Beautiful soul, it is not about the who or the what. It is about YOU and YOUR soul and how your back aches and your soul aches from carrying that yuckiness around with you everywhere.

In no way does forgiveness ever mean that a wrong thing is okay. It means you are no longer giving it the power to hurt you.

Forgiveness requires a bit of grieving and accepting the loss of what we may have hoped could be but wasn't, and isn't, and maybe can never be. Forgiveness lets us create a proper, dignified burial of the hope that we had in some sort of tidy resolution, a clean ending that will never come, and lets us finally say goodbye to it.

Today is a great day to bravely let it go. Say goodbye to it and let it go.

I can't carry the burden of a failed marriage forward into my life. I can't let it make me a lesser person. I can't let it distort the future.

What I can do it love myself, and accept that my life is changing. I need to step out into the world, make new friendships, in the real world. I am going to a brunch Sunday with a group called Sasscee Girls. That is a good start.

I am so thankful for my Spark family. Your words of wisdom, encouragement and prayers have been so wonderful.

I am thankful for my new fur buddy Ringo. He helps me step out of myself. He is such a good boy, but I need to care for him. I need to get up a 6 am and take him for a walk so he can do his duty. I need to feed him breakfast, and make my own. This new responsibility is not something I can procrastinate on.

Tuesday I was supposed to go to the Dr. for my post surgery follow up. Well the universe had a different idea, and I ended up sitting at the tire store for a couple of hours. Of course Ringo went with me. He was amazing! We went to the waiting area, and he lay down under the chair and snoozed, occasionally pushing his head into my hands to let me know he was still there.

I had an appointment Monday at 3 pm and tried to leave Ringo in the apartment. When I returned an hour later, I came home to a very upset dog. I could hear him barking as I approached the apartment. I hadn't heard him bark, and believe me I am sure everyone else heard it too. When I opened the door he grabbed my leg with his front paws and started crying and whining like a baby. I got him settled down, and he hasn't been more than 6 inches away since then. I think it was too soon for him to be left alone. I felt so bad for him. He messed and was very sheepish about that. I just cleaned it up , can't fault him for that at all.

I will work on leaving him unattended, but will start with fifteen minutes at a time. Today, as I do laundry etc would be a good way to start.

In the meantime, I don't have a problem taking him with me. He is well behaved, but I will check ahead to see if others have a problem. I really need to get to the beauty shop. Plan B will be doggy day care. I don't want to crate him if I don't have to, and I will not leave him in the car.

So December is upon us. I have a few decorations to put up. I am thinking of doing some sort of Holiday get together with the few neighbors I know. If the weather warms up, I would like to do it outside so their animals can come too. I am going to do a wall tree- using some green ribbon to make the shape of the tree and display the few ornaments I have.

Everyone have a beautiful day, whether is is sunny, rainy or snowy. Just like Pooh said "Today is my favorite day!"

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AURA18
    Love pooh quote "Today is my favorite day!" Stay positive and moving forwords.
    1577 days ago
    I loved your share about Brave Girls. It is fundamentally brilliant. For years and years and YEARS, I let MIL occupy my mind and peace with her outright nastiness and manipulation. This last summer I finally drew the line in the sand and released myself from all of her holds. After 38 years it was OBVIOUSLY that she and SIL don't like me...and it was MORE obvious that I don't like them...so why the charade? Just senseless misery...that's what it was.

    But no more...in a sense it's like a divorce of sorts. It was a relationship I desperately wanted and put lots of energy into making it work. Sometimes things just don't work in spite of your BEST intentions and dreams and hopes. Finally, we have to accept the assault that some relationships bare down on us and get out of them for the peace we need for our psyche and soul.

    I'm cheering you on brave Sunny every single step of the way! Ringo is so lucky to have you in his doggie world!


    Bobbi Anne
    1588 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/5/2016 8:35:32 PM
    Your "make like a duck" scenario is pretty good!--- You are another very caring--very "able" person---Hugs, Lynda
    1589 days ago
    Ringo missed you-thats all--poor fella! --- Dogs love you unconditionally-Lynda
    1591 days ago
    I love the message you got from Brave Girls, that is awesome, and so true. It's hard to do, but so worth doing! And I love that you have Ringo! That is so awesome, and he sounds like such a good puppy! You've got great plans for the holidays, I hope you are doing well, my thoughts and prayers are with you! emoticon
    1592 days ago
    Aw poor Ringo. You didn't know until you did it, and sometimes it has to be done. Do you have a kennel/cage for him? If he feels safe in a small area it might do him some good while you have to leave him on those types of occasions. It doesn't work for every dog but maybe something to consider?

    My parents' dog still has separation anxiety. She likes to be GLUED to my mom's side almost all the time or be with me or my stepdad if not. She will watch out the window now that we have a big window in the living room that's almost from floor to ceiling. Some dogs are like that too, just needing to be kept company and assured a lot. Hopefully Ringo will get used to being away from you for the short periods like you're planning to work with him on! Dogs are so much fun and they do certainly keep us on our toes and productive because their needs can't wait!
    1592 days ago
    The end of your marriage is so sad.............but the start of your new life is a cause for celebration. You have a new home, new friends, Bingo, new interests.....Hurrah for you! Life does go on and even though this might not have been your choice, you will not only survive....you will thrive!

    I love the idea of a wall tree. About 49 years ago we were a newlywed couple and my husband was stationed in Puerto Rico. We lived in a corrugated tin roof shack (yes, quite literally) We did not have a stereo, a tv, a phone or many of the things I had taken for granted before the marriage. I have always loved Christmas and had a terrible time getting my head around the fact that we would not have a Christmas tree. As Christmas cards began arriving from family and friends I was inspired to put a tape a large yellow paper star on the wall and then start taping the cards up below the star. Of course I ended up with a beautiful, colorful, Christmas tree...well, beautiful to us at least. I think yours will turn out well too!

    emoticon Have a beautiful Christmas! emoticon
    1592 days ago
    Ringo is a great companion for you. INFLATED has an interesting point there in comparing a crate to a "DEN". And the other people's comments about a special spray and special going away toy sound great too.

    It has been quite the crazy year for you. But it sounds like you have battened down all the hatches and are prepared whatever life may throw at you...though hopefully Life only has good things left to throw at you.
    1592 days ago
    you are going through major changes and remain positive. It is hard letting go of someone and those feelings. You are only responsible for you . the marriage failed you did not. It will take a long while but you will find happiness and contentment. keep that positive attitude hugs
    1592 days ago
    Sunny, those are some great quotes to help you keep going. Love them! I hope you can find a way to see your marriage as not one that failed, but just one that didn't last as long as you'd hoped. If you got something out of the relationship, then it's not a failure. I think some marriages, like friendships, have a course to run, and when they reach the finish line, they should end. No matter what, they serve their purpose. Just think, you wouldn't be where you are today if that marriage hadn't happened!

    Love that little furry guy - he sounds like a sweetie that has really bonded with you already!

    1592 days ago
    You are a very caring wise Lady Sunny.So glad you adopted Ringo i know he has a
    very good Home!Thanks for sharing! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1593 days ago
  • no profile photo CD15542977
    1593 days ago
    I love this definition of forgiveness, just resolving the fact that the issue no longer has power over you....TO let go...I just so believe in forgiveness, it takes the weight off your shoulders you carry when you are angry, and it removes that gray cloud that follows you everywhere. Forgiveness is a great feeling to have.
    And Ringo? What a great dog. Yes, it sounds like he is riddled with anxiety when left alone. I would definitely keep the television on for company, and start slow, 5 mins out the door, then come back, then do 10 and so on. Let him know you will always come home and give him a treat as soon as you walk in the door praising him what a good boy he was. He'll get the picture eventually. He just sounds like such a good boy Sunny. Hugs, fredie
    1593 days ago
    Hi Sunny...........
    You are so right about not holding on to grudges. It is sometimes very difficult to forgive, but it is definitely best for both your mental and physical health. Thanks for sharing the message.

    You are also right about gradually leaving Ringo for short periods of time until he gets used to the idea that you will definitely come back.

    Your Christmas tree sounds like a very good idea.............especially with Ringo being new to his surroundings. I remember that the only way to keep our cat away from our tree (many years ago) was to put balloons around the base of the tree. She was so afraid of the balloons that she gave the tree a wide berth when she walked by.

    Take care and each day that goes by, with your positive attitude, will make your life easier.

    1593 days ago
    You are doing so well with your weight loss and moving on with your life. emoticon emoticon
    1593 days ago
  • LSIG14
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You are absolutely amazing - you have been able to accomplish so much in a short amount of time and still keep a positive attitude and share it with other. Thanks for being a special friend and for showing me what can be done if you just set your mind to it! Enjoy your holiday get-together with the new neighbors - that is a great idea, and the ribbon tree sounds lovely and wouldn't take up a lot of space.
    1593 days ago
    You are doing so well--losing that weight!=-- And thanks for asking-- He said I don't have too goo back to see him now for a year--- I still have high pressure but he put me on drops daily-Lynda
    1593 days ago
    1593 days ago
    I was wondering how your follow up went-sorry you ended up in the shop!!

    Ringo sounds like a good match for you right now!

    Your wall tree sounds very creatively awesome!
    1593 days ago
    Well done with the paperwork for the divorce. I was divorced when I was just 27 yrs old - he liked being in the pub more than being home with me!
    I love the idea of your wall tree - it will give you a lot of pleasure, I'm sure.
    I signed up with the Brave Girls website after you mentioned it - it's very cool - thank you!

    1593 days ago
    There is a scent you can spray on a blanket or toy that smells like "mom" to dogs. it is available at pet stores and it calms them. My DD gives the dog his special toy before they leave the house and then puts it away when they come home. The spray does not last but I'm not sure how often they respray it.

    I love love love the comment from Brave Girls. So true and hard to "get" the difference between grieving the feelings and the feelings. You are such an inspiration my friend.
    1593 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/30/2016 2:25:26 PM
    Loved your heartfelt blog. I leaned from a Dr. Phil episode, that holding grudges against some one only lets them keep on controlling you, and letting them win. Stopped me cold, and I let it all go. Felt great to be in control of me. emoticon emoticon
    1593 days ago
    What a wonderful and uplifting blog! Ringo really missed you... And it is nice because he has now "adopted" you.
    1593 days ago
    I really liked your blog, Sunny. My first husband would hit me and I finally just abandoned my marriage and all that I owned and went home to live with Mom until I could get on my feet. They didn't have CASA shelters then and thankfully, we had no children together.

    I forgave him and found online years later that he was dead. He had remarried and so had I. I wondered if he beat his second wife or their kids. You know the Bible tells us not to look back. We can't undo any of it or change it once it is done. We don't need to get stuck there in our own minds either.

    I adopted my dog from the Humane Society and left her alone in the house and she messed about 8 times in our bedroom. We bought a crate big enough that she could lie on her side, completely stretched out. She likes it and when she thinks I might be going somewhere, she goes into it and watches me. She spent a good while in it the other day with the door open while I did laundry. It is more of a human thing that we think it is doing harm. Wolves den as do foxes and even some stray dogs. I have a wire crate so that everything is visible that is around it. I don't put anything in with our dog. I tried treats and she left them until we got home. She upset water bowls that I put in with her and would be wet when we came home.

    I don't know that doggy day care would have the dog loose while he is there and I would have to check into that before leaving my dog. Make sure he has had a kennel cough shot before leaving around other dogs. I think it is called a bordetella shot.

    Bayau loves to play with other dogs, but Ringo should be watched to see how he does with other dogs. Hubby wanted to take Bayau with us if I went with him to Wyoming and to Colorado. He never checked to see where we could stay if we had a dog with us. He thinks everyone will make an exception for him and I just didn't want to deal with that if I was tired and wanting to get a room and sleep.

    You will find that as you progress on without your husband, just how strong and independent you can become. There will be times that the good times you had together will overpower you, at least, they did me. I had to remember that he laid his hands on me to harm me and that wouldn't change and could lead to murder.

    May God bless you, Sunny.

    1593 days ago
  • no profile photo CD16687575
    Things have a way of working out for the best, given time. emoticon
    1593 days ago
    Sweetie, forgiveness is really hard. VERY Hard, but that's the truth . . . the alternative is carrying that burden. Life is too short. Exactly right that forgiveness doesn't mean that what happened is right . . . it just means you're ready to go on and have learned a life lesson (which is also difficult!)

    So happy that Ringo is doing well. Poor baby, he really has separation anxiety. Glad he's so well behaved that you can take him with you. Sounds like a good plan to just leave him for 15 minutes and see how it goes.

    I remember the first time I left Mr. Spot alone for 1/2 hr. He was besides himself. Poor guy. Gotta love our fur babies.

    1593 days ago
  • PROVERBS3128
    How beautiful......keep moving further. I am so sorry about your marriage, but you sound like
    you are making such great strides to work through the healing. I wish you the best.

    Love and prayers,
    1593 days ago
  • SUSANH1230
    I love the idea of a wall tree using green ribbon? My space is small with a cat. Lilly does not think anything should be on the tables except her 😻. Makes decluttering easy.
    Love ❤️ your blogs.
    1593 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    1593 days ago
    Sounds like you are super busy. Puppies are the best. I will pray for you and all you've got going. Merry Christmas
    1593 days ago
    What a month! Keep positive!
    1593 days ago
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