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Day 793 - Update on Mom

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Thanks for all your kind words yesterday about my mom's illness. They lifted my spirits and helped me form a plan of action.

I started with a chat with my sisters on Facebook. New information came out: my dad had a CT scan on his bladder and kidneys, a follow-up on his prostate cancer treatment from two years ago. Funny thing, he never said anything to me about it, and neither did my mom. That may explain why she kept saying that last week was such a hard week. I'm trying not to be angry or upset at not being told this critical information, but it is indicative of the kind of communication we tend to have as a family.

My sister Carol doesn't really want to have anything to do with my folks. She's over all the drama with mom, and says things like "You know mom blows everything out of proportion." So that leaves my other sister Janet and me to deal with them most of the time.

I will find a time to talk to Dad about the entire situation, including his lack of communication about his own situation as well as what's going on with mom. I just have to find a way to talk to him separately without making mom feel like she's being excluded. It's a fine tightrope to walk on.

But thank you, Spark Friends, for all your love and support. You make every day just a little bit awesomer!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GAILITCH
    No advice, just ❤️ and lots of empathy. D:
    1400 days ago
  • OSHEONA
    That sounds like a good plan. Sorry to hear about your sister's lack of empathy towards your parents. That must make things more difficult for you. I hope that your dad starts being more open with you.
    1467 days ago
  • FLORIDASUN
    Oh my...how did I miss this very important blog? I'm sorry Steve!! I know this is weighing heavy on you and I'm sending up prayers for comfort and guidance to come your way. I know that you will make the right choice in how to approach this difficult family dynamic.

    It is so difficult to deal with aging parents and there is so much guilt that is usually attached to it. I hope your sister provides a broad shoulder to lean on and that she is a missile of guidance and good judgment to help you deal with what you need to do.

    I also know that you will do everything you possibly can do to support and show your love...that's just who you are my friend! emoticon
    1468 days ago
  • ANACORAZON
    Just show love and affection to your parents and do the most for them. Share beautiful moments and make the nice memories that will comfort you in the future. I'm praying for them, and for you
    1470 days ago
  • ANACORAZON
    I understand your parents. We don't want our kids to suffer with our problems neither to interfere with their lives. My Mom(+) used to hide her cancer pain to not worry me because I was pregnant. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not noticing it.
    1470 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    Tread carefully! Your dad may be younger than mine was, but he was of the generation (generalization here) that did not share medical/financial/other personal info with people, especially children. We did not know the extent of his prostate cancer and related secondary cancer until after he died. There were many surprises when we helped his widow sift through the important paperwork. Not that I want you to have to go through this, but, even when I tried to talk with Dad about his final wishes, he would not engage. My youngest sibling was still angry with him (rightfully so, though the fence mending needed to happen) and she now regrets she did not reach out in response to his attempt to mend fences. Tread carefully and be aware that there may be undercurrents and assumptions of which you are not aware. I am holding you and them in my prayers. This is very tough and, at the end of the day, choose to act in ways that you can best live with no matter what the outcome. I know your heart will be in the right place and pray that they can feel that loving intent even if they resist the issues at hand.
    1484 days ago
  • DONNALEE-53
    Prayers for you and your family that you get things worked out. emoticon
    1486 days ago
  • no profile photo JEANNETTE59
    That's what friends are for... emoticon by the dozen, that way you have some to share!
    1488 days ago
  • WENDYANNE61
    Illness and parents can be such a difficult area to deal with - my mother was very open about her COPD, my father totally secretive about his leukaemia. Keep asking questions! Big hugs!
    1488 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Depression also brings denial into the picture. I firmly believe that you will do better going with your Dad to communicate. HE must feel alone in all of this too. He is probably afraid to stir mom up, so he clams up. Being VERY direct with him is something you will have to practice ahead of time. Your Steve can help you with it. Even being a role-player.
    When something terrible happens, it is too late to think of coulda-shoulda's. Praying for all of you, dear.
    1488 days ago
  • KRISZTA11
    emoticon
    1488 days ago
  • 911BRAD
    This is a tricky situation.. Steve I see your dilemma... catch your breath and work out a plan with Janet. Sorry to hear the family is hurting... no easy answer is there?

    Sending out virtual hugs...
    1488 days ago
  • HDEGMD
    Sorry Dear Steve for your rough waters right now. ... all good thoughts and prayers for you and yours, Love and hugs to you, Pat.
    1488 days ago
  • 1DAY-ATA-TIME
    Don't be too hard on your dad. From my prospective, as a dad of three adult children in there 40s, I tend not to burden them with my problems. They have their own lives and issues to deal with and should not have to concern themselves mine. Case in point: My son lives and work in Saudi and visits us twice a year. During his last visit (over the holidays), he had to take me to emergency room for severe back pain. When I the agony and fear on his face about my distress, it brought me to tears (although I never let he see my tears). I forgot about the back pain and was more concerned about him and his family. I can't explain it, Steve, but I'm choked up writing this. I don't want my children to suffer on my behalf. Call it selfish or whatever you want to but that's how I feel. Don't get me wrong, I can't speak for your dad. I just giving my point of view. I wish you the best, my friend.
    1488 days ago
  • FITNIK2020
    This is a complex time to navigate. A stage of life when we need to care for parents. I hope you can find solutions and continue to be a comfort to Mom and Dad.
    1488 days ago
  • FITNIK2020
    This is tough Steve. My sister and brother never told me about the illness that finally took my mother. Family dynamics again though not like yours. They were trying to protect me , and maybe Mom is doing the same. I know you will find your way .
    1488 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
    Family dynamics can be so difficult to navigate.
    emoticon
    1488 days ago
  • BIGRENTMAN
    This a hard time in your life. Keep loving and talking about your mom and dad
    1488 days ago
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