Feeling Anxious About Saying Goodbye
Sunday, February 12, 2017
I'm finishing up my first week back. It's gone smoothly and I am a couple of pounds down. So why am I anxious. I have cut loose today. I ate out and had some chocolate. But, not as much as before. I watched my portions and stopped early in the day. I know if I keep on doing in the 2nd week what I did this 1st week I will lose weight again.
Like I said, I am losing weight. Plus, I arranged for an extra day at the gym next week.
So why all the nervousness. I know I can do this. I know to survive much longer I need to lose weight. And, I know I deserve to be kind to me and take the very best care of myself.
What I feel it is.....what I know it is.....the reason I am anxious......I am saying good bye. Good bye to something special in my life.
Like when I was a kid and wanted to go to camp...for one whole week. And then I wrote home everyday and cried every night because I missed everyone.
Then again, when I grew up and wanted to go to school and have a career. Then 6 months into my 1st job I missed the freedom of having fun and spending as much time, money and energy as I need/wanted to feel content and happy.
After having my family (whom I love with my whole being) I could hardly wait to be an empty nester. When they all grew up and moved away I was miserable. My home echoed and I cried and missed my loves.
And, now......now.....I finally made the commitment to myself to get healthy and it's a huge life change!!! I miss my buddy food. I miss my old laziness that allowed me to just eat and not exercise and allowed me to ignore responsibility to myself. To be honest it hurts and pains me as much as most of my other hard life changes. I have no choice here. It is lose weight or the alternative is an ugly one. I know my anxious behavior is a sign that I have made a final and permanent decision to change and put food into a proper and healthy place. I also realize this means saying goodbye to an old delicious friend that comforted me when I was insecure and alone. Food was there for me through the best of times and the worst of times. It will still be in my daily life. Soon it will be as it was with all my major life changes. I will accept it has been put in it's proper place and I will develop new healthier ways of coping with life. And, as with all of my past positive life changes I will come away much better than when I started.