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Is it a catch 22?

Monday, May 01, 2017

I got accepted to Optometry school months ago, contingent on passing two classes. THe optometry school is halfway across the country. In one class(microbiology) I have an A and have no doubts about passing. In my other class(organic chemistry lab II) I need an A on the final just to pass(barely). I've been working very dilligently to pass these two classes.

I've also been dating this wonderful guy. He is super supportive and super cute(insert girly noises here).

It all sounds awesome, right?

Except I think I could study 24/7 until my exam and still not pass. And what happens if I do? He isn't going to move half way across the country, I can't ask that of him. So there is definitely a part of me that wants to fail. And a part of me that wants to pass.

I've worked so hard to get to this point. Hours of prep for the entrance exam plus everything I did in college. How can I want to fail? And if I want to fail what does that say about me? That I want all my work to be for nothing? Or that I want to choose a guy, who it might not work out with, over a future, a dream, that I've worked countless hours towards?

It feels like a catch 22--if I fail optometry school is that much further away. If I succeed my relationship is probably over.

It definitely doesn't help that I've been sick with strep throat so I haven't been able to work out. I can really tell the difference with no cardio endorphin high.

So here I am, stuck with no workouts, and a possible catch-22. The hardest part is that I know the answer, I just don't like it. I just need to put the words out there.

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