Well hello there Sparkpeople! I've been away from Spark for a looooong time, but I've been here in spirit and checking in with my closest Sparkfriends with updates on my health situation.
And what a situation it is. Long story short: Got sick end of September, thought it was a stomach bug. Got better. Got worse. Went to doctor. Got a little better. Got a lot worse. Like the scared dummy I WAS, created every mental excuse to not go to the doctor.....until I needed a hospital. Massive bowel infection and sepsis. One more day, I woulda been dead.
Emergency surgery, then 2 more that week. 40 days in the hospital. Recovering at home for another month and a half before I could get out and about. Will need 2 more operations to correct the damage. Meanwhile knee pain and ambulatory problems worse and walking with a cane again, slow like a turtle.
Silver lining to this medical mess? Yes!
Meowmama has completely lost her anxiety attack producing phobia of doctors.
Your brain takes you to lots of places while you are that sick and at the mercy of others to do everything for you. I could have easily slipped into the darker places, and I did visit them a time or two, yet I found myself enjoying a strange sense of peace and beauty when I surrendered my fears. I've developed a deep, deep gratitude for being given another chance to live, especially seeing as how my own stupidity and stubborness caused my predicament in the first place. I gained a tremendous respect for the nursing profession and had so many angels I can't remember them all.
So now, with my adorable little Pakistani surgeon/angel/hero guiding me, I have finally taken charge and am doing ALL the medical things I'm told to do. I have passed all cancer screenings, bloodwork is excellent, heart is strong like bull. Yesterday my cardiologist returned to the exam room and announced "According to your history, bloodwork and EKG........(long, nerve wracking pause.....) YOU ARE 18 YEARS OLD". He even asked me what my secret is!
I am on zero meds. I have lost 2 pant sizes, a real indicator for me since I am bottom heavy. I was put on Synthroid for a "tiny" elevation in my thyroid readings in January which made about 80% of my hair fall out. Threw that crap out. Latest thyroid readings well within normal. And I had a crazy thick and long head of hair. Tried wigs and they look awful. It's growing back in, very fuzzy at roots. It's just hair, and it didn't fall out because I have cancer, so, I've stopped whining about it and just deal with it. But it was shocking at first. When I feel cute again I promise a new picture. Not feeling cute just yet, but that's ok.
I now get ZERO anxiety before an appointment or procedure. I used to freak out for three days prior to an appointment, or just never made them and hid my head in the sand. The only thing I worry about now is whether I can find parking and be on time.
God is good!
So, I will be going back for more surgery soon, and I have appointments to finally deal with my bad knee. I am beyond ready to face it all over again.
I don't have the time to properly commit to a team here but I want to try to get back at least a few times a week. I need my Spark!
I thank all of my Sparkfriends and Lovely Lime teammates for the support and prayers and love you have shown me and maybe once all this medical stuff is finally finished I can get back in full Spark mode.
Special shout out to my ride or die Spark Sister DawnWaterwoman, you are THEEEEEE BEST!