Saturday, May 13, 2017
It has been a crazy month, one thing after another, we are selling our house and buying another, we move next week. My foot has been hurting for no reason for to long now, preventing various different exercises, and now I have a cold. *sigh*
Last night I had a major binge, something I am working vary hard to control. This morning I woke up to the Sparkguys blog about setbacks. I planned on writing down my review in a journal I have but realized its packed so here I am journaling.
Here is what happened last night. Hubs was packing/strapping the playground onto the trailer, I asked him about dinner a few times, he just kept walking away. (he can go all day without eating and not notice, I need dinner no later then 6 or she-hulk comes out). I looked for recipes but could not find anything that sounded good that we had the ingredients too 7 O'clock rolled around and I started a PB&J (grilled) Consoled myself it was better for me then eating out, no sooner had I got it on the stove then hubs walks in wondering where I wanted to eat. I blew up on him. After eating I felt horrible, he had put every piece of playground equipment we have on the trailer BY HIMSELF after his 12 hour shift of unloading a semi-truck worth of food to restaurants. (I was still at work myself for this)
So after eating I said ok Kitchen is closed you are not eating anymore (working on this nightly) My little one was being well a 2 yr old all night at that, refusing to listen, refusing to give me space... I love her but I do not need her in my face going "mom look mom look mom look" even though I'm saying "Yes Anara I'm looking" non stop.
We start watching some TV, she is still in my face, when the TV comes on hubs see's and hears nothing but the pretty lights. Example little one drops her stuffed animal behind the couch he is sitting on, he does not realize he needs to get it until I get up to get it because she is trying to climb behind my chair (I'm not on the couch) to work her way over to the couch. Anyway irritation spiked I started on chips, then chocolate, then this, then that. Of course with everything I got up to get the 2 kids (15 and 2) went "oh can I have that?" Spiking my irritation further, hubs continued watching TV Oblivious.
It seems so obvious now, next time I will just remove myself from the situation, Of course at the moment our house is so small its hard to remove myself, had I just gone to the room the little one would have sat screaming at the door because she was in Mommy mode, but when we move I will have a workout room in the basement far removed from the TV room(our bedroom now is next to the living room) I will walk away and meditate, if it's not to late (like last night) I will go for a walk on the trail by the new house.
Food did not fix anything last night in fact it caused more irritation, further more it set a bad example for the kids.
My goal today a bike ride alone, to find my Zen