Alrighty, we're in the final stretch of May. I didn't set any concrete fitness goals for this month since my work schedule was going to be PACKED. Basically, I kept doing what I was already doing. That was 2 days a week at the gym for a sad total of 120 fitness minutes.
Nothing else was an improvement. My diet still sucks. I mean, it really freaking sucks. Also, I still need to increase my gym time if I want to see any sort of results. But, I didn't set any goals to improve. So, for June, I think that's going to have to happen. I need to improve.
One of my Spark Friends (SMILINGTREE maybe?) said something in a recent blog about walking the same path for years and not having much more to say about it. She pretty much summed up my feelings on my journey at this point with that statement. I know what I need to do to improve my health. I have the tools I need right at my fingertips. I've said it time and again that I just need to do it. So, I don't have anything else to add. I've already hashed out all this crap in previous blogs, including my last one.
Frankly, I'm tired of talking about it. I think mostly it's due to the fact that I keep saying this crap and not actually doing it. I keep trying to justify it more to you, my Spark Friend, and to myself. Work keeps me busy. I've got to care for my granny and my mom. I'm depressed. My mom needs the car. I really just need to shut up. I'm tired of talking about it because I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of ME not holding my own self accountable and I'm tired of ME acting like such a loser when I know I'm better than that.
So, today (Sunday) is the last major event I have for work until the school year starts back up again. I have some big, but short, projects for work, but only one of them will involve me working outside my normal office hours. Mid-June I have a church retreat which I'm very much looking forward to. My mom will be having surgery shortly after that, so I suppose my caretaking will increase then. But, overall, I should have all of the summer to work on myself.
I'll work to increase my gym time.
I'll work to improve my diet.
I'll work to fight depression.
I'll work to get myself back on track with school.
I need to make some changes in my life. I need to improve my health, lose some weight, and I need to get myself going ahead on a future career. Being a part time secretary is great for now, and I really do love my job, but it's not anything I can make a living doing. It's also something I don't want to do for the rest of my life. I'm in my mid-30's and I don't want to be stuck in this rut forever. I think it's this rut that is contributing the most to my depression. So, it's time.
Time to make some positive changes in my life.
That gym all to myself!