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One small change

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

I was reading an article the other day written by a woman who has lost about 80 pounds by eliminating just 4 foods from her diet. She didn't count calories, or do more exercise, she just begain by ridding her diet of her four worst foods. I found this to be an interesting approach. I have been struggling lately with every aspect of diet and nutrition. I was feeling that maybe it was time to take a break from all of it, and start again when I was feeling more enthusiastic. Instead, I decided to try this approach on a much smaller scale. I would eliminate one thing, candy. How hard could that be? At first I basically substituted my candy treat with another equally poor choice. However, every time I made this swap, I had to think about it. I began to realize how many small pieces of candy I had been eating in a day. A peppermint after lunch, a root beer barrel or two in the afternoon. When I got home, I would have a few mini chocolate bars. They are only an inch big, how bad can it be? I realized that I had been treating myself for hard work, for exercise, for dealing with a stressful situation, for a bad meeting, or even a success. Food was the treat of choice when I was growing up. If we did our chores, we could have some pop. If we did a bigger job, it was ice cream upon completion. My mom always rewarded us with food. I do it to myself everyday. If I love you, I will try to feed you. My father was an alcoholic. I did not inherit that addiction, but I do feel that I have an addictive personality. My addiction is sugar. I have known this for a long time, but I didn't do a good job of dealing with it. Having just one bite of something is never enough. One mini candy bar leads to several. One scoop of ice cream leads to 3 or four. So I go cold turkey. For the first while, this is actually fairly easy for me. After awhile though, my body is screaming for its treat. Eventually, I always crack. Always. Then I binge. I eat every food that I have been denying myself. There is an immediate release of all these good feelings. I really can't explain it, except that it is deep within the heart of me. I hate it, I really do. It makes me feel weak, worthless, undisciplined, irresponsible, all the things that I can never be in my daily life. That was my a-ha moment. I spend every minute of every day doings things that I have to do, things that I feel compelled to do. I leave all of myself behind every day, but never really do anything just for me. I am rebelling against myself like a 12 year old. You can't do that. You can't want that. You can't have that. Oh yeah, just watch me!! emoticon
Now that I have had this great epiphany, that I am rebelling against my way-too-strict self, I have to figure out what to do with that information. How do I say no to things that do not need to be on my list. How do I say yes to finding time to do things that are just for me? I am thinking hard about that. I am feeling more at peace with myself, and I have been doing a good job of eating to fuel my body, not my emotions. I realize that I am in the honeymoon phase of this new chapter, but I am hopeful. I have been asking myself for the last several years, "what is wrong with you", "why can't you do this"... Now that I feel that I know the answer to that question, I am hoping I can love myself better, and that I can make some positive changes. I am hoping that one small change will lead me on a great path. emoticon
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  • no profile photo CD14456645
    nods ~ I found candy hard to release and was surprised how many events triggered my expectation to eat it... I could eat my way through the year just on the candy holidays and restocking during the sales...

    and i also felt rebellious at the thought of never eating it again... or whatever... diet implied not eating those kinds of things... so I was on a perpetual diet, throw down the towel & feast like it was Thanksgiving! I so get what you are saying...

    I started looking at what, when, why, where, how I was eating... started keeping good, working on rest... and making emotionally tolerable compromises... for chocolate, I decided to keep having cocoa in my morning coffee... it is a compromise and I put in a 60cal packet... someday I may get tired of it... I switched to dark chocolate then worked higher %... 70%, then 75, 80, then 90 then released it... had a square after dinner... had fruit for snacks with protein (like a cheese stick or yogurt) or dipped in pb... this helps me release my sweet overeating when I'm struggling most... .. oh and popcorn & soups... stuff that helps me feel fuller...

    the physical edgieness can be a sign of physical withdrawal, and I realized theres a tipping point, if I eat too many carbs, I reignite that link... A book (the end of overeating by David Kessler in the 1st 1/3rd explained what happens in the body)... the book helped me realize the physical stuff in the brain is real, for some people, like alcohol is real for some, and it was part of my ah ha, understanding... cold turkey didn't work well for me... and stepping down is tough too, I figure takes about 4 days to a week to start feeling better after I've been back way overeating... but this change is worth it... and all it means...

    Hang in! Hold onto your flicker of desire... you're worth this!
    1268 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/8/2017 12:00:22 AM
    That's a good way to do things. In my house, my husband and I eat really well during the week, and then on weekends we allow ourselves to eat over our calories. Sometimes it's one meal, sometimes it's a whole day. It gives me something to look forward to, but 5/7 days I eat very strict. That concept works for me.
    1268 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Just eliminate one thing at a time. one candy a day. then two..
    1268 days ago
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