Thursday, June 22, 2017
I have been so hard on myself. I do not like the way my body looks.
But I have been trying to redirect my hatred for my body to loving my body.
When I start to think horrible thoughts about it, I try to rethink it.
My body has been through so much.
After my pregnancy, I went through hell.
12 surgeries to correct what happened to it.
I have lost the weight and gained it back so many times.
But then after my last one, which I had gained a bunch of weight prior, I really gained after.
I reached an all time high of 216lbs.
I'm normally weighing between 125 and 135. That is a healthy weight for me. So having all that extra on me has been brutal.
I've been tortured.
But after all of that, my body fought.
It has not forgotten all the work we put into it before.
All the swimming and running, body building, yoga, soccer, biking.
The body I had is still there, with insane muscle memory.
It allowed me to run a 5k the first time I attempted to run in a decade.
It has taking beatings, both physically and mentally.
It has suffered.
But it allows to me push forward, even while sore and in pain from the workouts I've pushed through the day before.
It allows me great pleasure.
It allows me to abuse it, and it rides above it.
My body is amazing, in what it can handle.
I may not enjoy the way it looks and feels when it comes to the extra weight, but I love how it handles it with grace and perseverance.
We are working on this now.
A steady climb to the top.
To be the best it can be.
And we won't stop, my body and me.
We will try. We will fail. We will succeed.
We will win.