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Time To Shake Off My Funk (AKA Self Pity)

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Hello Spark Friends, It has literally been years since my last blog. The last year to year and half have been full of changes. Some of them good and some of them bad....well they seemed bad at the time.

Those of you who have known me for awhile know that I had problems with my youngest DD.
She went to college and tried to hurt herself and had to take some time off from college. She went back but hated living in the dorms and moved back home and took the bus to college every day. There were a lot of issues with her mental health and her relationship with me.
She moved in with her boyfriend a year ago. This really depressed me, I went into a depression,
I really didn't talk to anyone about how this really broke my heart. Not because I didn't want to but because I really couldn't find the words to express the depth of my feelings. I think the Lord for my friend Chris who called, texted and emailed me during this time. She always found a way to make me laugh and I don't know if she knows it but she kept me sane the past year. The good news on my youngest DD is she received a diagnosis of clinical depression and borderline personality disorder and is on a medicine combination that is working for her and she graduated college this past May. I also adore her boyfriend, he is really good with and for her.
There is was so much more that want on, my oldest DD got married, my DS got married and gave me my third granddaughter. All of this has left me either depressed , busy and then there have been times I felt felt lonely. As a result I withdrew into myself and didn't participate in some of my Spark groups and only participated somewhat in others. Once I figure out how to manage my time with my new job, I intend to drop back into some of my teams and to be more present and active in my other teams. Please, Spark friends if I haven't spoke to you in a while please know you all have been in my thoughts in prayers. I may not have commented on your news feeds or blogs but I have read them and have prayed for those of you who needed it.
Chris, thank you for listening and caring.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WIGIRL74
    Like you, I joined SP years ago... Lost weight & felt great. Then, things changed. My life began to spiral out of control. Yes, my battle was different than yours currently is, but like you, I stepped away and took time for myself. In fact, I took so much time, I gained weight & just recently returned to SP after being gone for about 9 years.

    In those 9 years... I lost my dad due to Cancer (he was 67), was in a severe auto accident involving a 45-50 ton moving semi truck (nothing broken / fractured. Just severe muscle spasms in back) & ended up in therapy w/ chiropractor for 10 months (made complete recovery), and was diagnosed w/ stage 4 Cancer in 2013 (had chemo, radiation, & numerous surgeries).

    It's been just over 3 1/2 years & I'm still Cancer free. My back still hurts from time to time from the auto accident, which is ok. I still miss my dad, but I know he loved me & didn't want me to dwell on his passing... He wanted me to move on.

    The point is, I stepped back from SP and numerous other activities to take time for myself (and gained weight)... I needed time to come to grips with all that happened and find the inner strength to move on. Which I did. In doing so, I learned to: cherish the time I spend w/ family & friends, believe in myself, live life to its fullest, & never take anything for granted (no matter how big or small).

    If I can survive the downward spiral, I know you can too. It just takes time... You need to find your inner strength to move forward. Take all the time you need... There's nothing wrong in doing so. We are all here for you.

    Until you return back to SP, you will be in my prayers.

    1163 days ago
  • LOPEYP
    I hope you get out of your funk and join us here on SP.

    I am always encouraged by your support of my various accomplishments or status changes. It means a lot to me.

    I hope things are better now since this blog is from a month ago.
    1183 days ago
  • MELISSAB401
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    1200 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14651201
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    1214 days ago
  • KALISWALKER
    emoticon I think of you often and I am glad you blogged. All the best for you and your family.
    1220 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    I agree with what everyone has said - you have been on an emotional rollercoaster and adult children are more difficult because we may see what they need to do but have to stand back and let them live their lives. Very challenging at times, at least that is my experience.
    Am so glad you are back blogging, your supportive presence has been there always for me and others, so I hope we can be there for you. emoticon
    1221 days ago
  • BE-THE-CHANGE
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    1222 days ago
  • IMIN2GENES
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    Right back atcha!
    1223 days ago
  • LIVES-I-TOUCH
    No matter your children's age you will *a*l*w*a*y*s* worry and be concerned about them. It's obvious that you are a loving, caring, force in their lives. Remember to make YOU a priority. If we don't care for ourselves, we run out of steam to reach out to others. Also, we can't reach out to everyone. Even so, silent thoughts and prayers can be powerful even when we can't physically do more. You are special and it's an honor to "know" you through the virtual world.

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    1223 days ago
  • ANNIES-APPROVED
    Time for YOU, dear friend. You will always have concerns for your children because you're a good Mother - even adult children can cause worries, but yours seem to be 'ironing out their wrinkles' bit by bit, and with YOU by their side, they'll be good ta' go. ::hugs:: It's hard to spread ourselves out to all the people we may think we need to give help to, and it seems easy to give a piece of ourselves (especially in this new age of teleporting into the cyber-living rooms of one another) but I am learning to take care. I must develop a system that also gives support right back at me, so I am not just pouring my life's blood (TIME) down into the bottomless pit of people who couldn't care less about me. It's taken quite a few heart crushing HARD KNOCKS to teach me that...though my *love* and care is/was genuine, it has meant nothing to some when they're DONE with this site, the Team, and me... ... ...and it still hurts when I think of how they have left nevermore to return to the closeness I thought we once shared. I too, am ever reading the feeds/blogs of those who once 'friended' me, while sending my thoughts/prayers silently, and I hope you will find your way too. Much *love*
    Annie
    1223 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2017 11:11:01 AM
  • KOFFEENUT
    What a difficult time you've been through! Good for you for making the decision to do some things to take care of YOU, both physically and mentally. Know that we are right next to you on your journey, cheering you on!
    1223 days ago
  • THROOPER62
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    1223 days ago
  • NHES220
    Thanks for checking in. You have had a lot going on! Glad your youngest has diagnosis and is doing better! Cheering you on! I know you have been cheering us on!
    1224 days ago
  • VALLEYGIRLSPAGE
    Take good care of yourself. Hugs & prayers. emoticon
    1224 days ago
  • STARLITNIGHT
    I hope you get into a routine at your new job, enjoy the excitement of learning something different. Kids are to be enjoyed looking back in memory, it softens the hard parts, I think. The struggles I went through with my two sons turned my black hair white. I would do it all over again, and find a way to be more in the moment if I had a second shot at it. I love seeing them grown and finding their own path. Life is hard for families, I went through one son with major issues with mental and substance issues, the other was in Afghanistan at Eighteen, come home with nerve system overload issues, and just ended a 3 year engagement. I just let them live, listen to them when they need to talk, and somehow they grow from each struggle. It is wild and beautiful to watch and be a part of. Bless you and your family for your strength as well! emoticon
    1224 days ago
  • STARTING-ANEW
    Wow....you certainly have been on an emotional ride....and...worrying about your grown children takes more of a toll than when they were small...Say a prayer for your family...and I pray you'll find peace and happiness..
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    1224 days ago
  • PIPPAMOUSE
    Take the time to care for you. It does sound like a roller-coaster and flurry of activity. You deserve down time and time to rest.
    1225 days ago
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