See Ya Later

Hey folks.

You all probably saw this coming.

I'm going to be stepping back from Spark for a little bit. I'm not disappearing nor am I deactivating my account. Right now I'm in a season where this community isn't helping me much. I need a different sort of help for the time being.

Over the last few months I've had several things pop up that have taken up the majority of my time and energy. The big one is being diagnosed with tachycardia and hypertension simultaneously. But, I've just had another blow in the last week: I've been officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've been put on medication for the hypertension and the depression. I underwent testing for the tachycardia and an arrhythmia that was detected during a doctor's visit (an extra beat in one of my ventricles). If needed, I'll be put on medication to treat the tachycardia and/or arrhythmia, but I won't know until the end of the month when all the results come back.

Unfortunately, I'm fairly positive this has all come about after living in this household for the past 5 years. Most of you who know and follow my blogs are aware that this situation basically sucks. With my father moving back in, it's just gotten worse. My relationship with him has deteriorated significantly. I can't hold a conversation with him, nor can I stand to be in his presence. It's been YEARS since I've had to be in such close quarters with him, but in that time he's become a horrible human being. I love him because he is my father, but I do not like him. And he's in the room across the hall from me.

Even though my bro and SIL and crazy mom still don't help around the house and contribute little-to-nothing, relations with them have improved a little. Either that or I'm too distracted by my idiot father to care about all that anymore. That's likely the case. Pretty much no one in my household wants to be around the father, either, for the same reasons as myself. So, I think we're all banding together to support each other since there's nothing we can do about it. He's here, it's his house, we're stuck until something changes for each of us individually.

I am still working on making positive health changes. I attend the gym twice a week regularly. I am meal planning my dinners each week. I'm working on keeping my sodium low, veggies high, and fats minimal. I don't plan on stopping that any time soon. I also have a small support system via email, where I email back and forth with two other Sparks each week. We seem to have similar journeys, so it's been a helpful tool and strengthened my friendship with each of them. I'm really loving it! I'll be seeing a therapist/shrink regularly, too, so maybe I can cope with being miserable better. I hope eventually all these steps will lead to me getting off all these medications and living a happier life.

So, I'll still be around, but likely not interacting much. Feel free to comment on my page or send me private messages or even email or follow me on social media. I will answer back as I am able to and I promise to always make the effort. This community and my Spark Friends are important to me, even if I don't always show it.

Thank you all for being here.